This or That?

In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changing my outlook.

Am I sick in bed or am I a lady of leisure, blessed to be in able to “retire” because I can no longer work?

Has my life come to this, fading out mostly alone over the next couple of decades? Or is this an opportunity to explore new ways to live a satisfying life despite vertigo, muscle weakness and cramping, aching ribcage, nausea, headache, and random zaps and zings throughout; symptoms come and go randomly or as the result of an activity.

Has my gardening hobby become more than I can manage, even with my husband doing nearly all the work? Or can I plan my pots and beds with an eye towards low maintenance?

Am I to continue in the doldrums, sinking into hopelessness? Can I be so grateful for this stage of life as to distract from or outweigh the physical and mental challenges that come and go daily?

I want to turn the lens and choose a positive attitude. I just can’t seem to focus on even the threshold of meaningfulness, purpose, direction, and contentment. Most recently, I’m struggling to even see a reason to keep going, save keeping loved ones from being sad. How do I choose to change my vision of the future? If only it was as easy as opting for this over that.

p.s. I bought some new sleepwear online. When I put a pair of boxers in the wash just now, I tore off the the tag & noticed a separate cardboard, a long, skinny rectangle. Curious what would be printed there, I turned it over and it said, “Enjoy your life.” Yes. I need not worry about this perspective or that. I need to get out of my head!

Published by Sara

I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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