Well, 2021 is certainly a disappointment out of the gate with strange days I never thought we’d be experiencing in the USA. Since March last, the whole world has been suspended in uncertainty, every single person on earth, old enough to comprehend, simultaneously.What energy has been released and where the hell will it take us?Continue reading “These Days”
(Revised 2:30 p.m. PST) Turns out ostriches don’t actually bury their heads as some kind of response to an unknown threat. Females dig holes for eggs. Mothers put their heads in the holes regularly to rotate them. This is the image that led to the reference of burying one’s head in the sand. Like anContinue reading “The Last to Know”
I just passed the one year mark of the day I wrote a suicide note and purchased the supplies necessary to carry out my plan the next day, the Monday before Thanksgiving. I thought about it briefly, seated at our holiday table a few days ago, with my husband and two grown sons, but madeContinue reading “One Year Later – Hope”
The last couple of birthdays have been too exciting, not in a good way. I didn’t commit suicide last November, so I’m having another. I’m all for letting my birthdays pass by quietly, but I will celebrate if none of my loved ones end up in the hospital today!
Feeling ever so slightly better, in comparison to the last couple weeks, so I want to acknowledge that. Things could flip at any moment, but it’s been a nice four hours, and maybe I’ll get more. I’m switching insurance and, of course, there was a hitch; so I was going to write this as IContinue reading “I’ll Take It”
When every day is painful and difficult, how many years of that do you owe to the people who love you before you choose to be done struggling, knowing full well that the pain and difficulty will then transfer to your family and friends. What is strong? You hear people say sometimes, “Oh, she wasContinue reading “How Long?”
Eight-and-a-half months ago, I came very close to ending my life. I don’t feel as far from that as I thought I would by this time. Of course, I didn’t foresee a global pandemic upending the lives of people around the world. A report I read earlier today said depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts areContinue reading “In the Shadows”
So irritated that my depression is not improving according to my plan and timetable. I’ve been through this a couple times before, so I know the drill. Let’s go!
Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months. It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression.Continue reading “The Best-Laid Plans…”
I’m feeling squiggly, which is how I describe the roiling of depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. Not a full-on meltdown, just a constant, gnawing sense that I’m not okay or something out there isn’t right. It insists on receiving my attention, or at least won’t let me focus on anything else in a sustained, meaningful way.Continue reading “On the Inside”