I’ll Take a While

Just shy of two hours, I felt only content and grateful, which brought a smile to the edges of my mouth. Mindfulness helped me recognize it and then enjoy. Most often, negative talk in my head creeps through the well-established ruts, dangling “You know this won’t last. Where is that other shoe? Around any corner?Continue reading “I’ll Take a While”

Surviving Sara’s Ramblings

About those updates I’ve promised previously: Bright Line Eating: Ugh. Don’t ask. I ate mostly french fries and milkshakes following my tooth extraction and I never really got back to my concerted effort to minimize flour and avoid most processed sugars, coffee creamer excepted. The holidays are here, which doesn’t really change a thing inContinue reading “Surviving Sara’s Ramblings”

No More

***This post contains coarse language and isn’t meant for very young people or those with a delicate sensibility.*** Had a massage appointment yesterday. I’ve been seeing the same massage guy for five years, so we’re pretty confortable with each other by now. In the morning, I told my husband I really wasn’t looking forward toContinue reading “No More”

On Brokenness

Weak, breathing slow and shallow. Certain no one will see me, surprised each time someone reads me here. No longer a good daughter, sister, friend. Letting it all go. It doesn’t matter who I was or what I did. Shedding every bit of that. What’s left? Acceptance. Gotta work on that. When the prettiness turnsContinue reading “On Brokenness”

Color Me Free

With 70’s hits playing the soundtrack of my life ages five to 15 and candles lit, I closed my eyes to relax, breathe, and meditate without calling it meditation. It took some time to settle and convince my dog this wasn’t a new game. I allowed memories to trip along and float by as musicContinue reading “Color Me Free”

The End of the World As We Know It

Don’t shake my hand or give me a hug. A cough or sneeze causes high alert. And just when you might feel as though you’ve got this down and we’re learning to live with the new pathogen, similar to how hospitals and people deal with the flu annually, along comes delta and, later, omicron. They’reContinue reading “The End of the World As We Know It”

It’s a Chemical Breakdown

Our bodies are mostly made of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. How amazing that these elements combine in numerous and seemingly miraculous combinations. In the brain, researchers believe there are more than 100 neurotransmitters, chemical messengers of information. Eight of them are most common and include adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, histamine and endorphins. MajorContinue reading “It’s a Chemical Breakdown”

I See Dirt

A reliable indicator of mental health improvement for me has always been the ability to see dirt. In the depths of major depression, I couldn’t give a rat’s behind if housekeeping chores get done. Well, imagine what effect that has over the course of two years. My husband does the best he can but he’sContinue reading “I See Dirt”

I Love Ya, Tomorrow

Dear Reader; Apply sarcasm or we could go with facetious. Could even be satirical considering some past posts I’ve done. You choose.😉 Personally, I’m going with unintentional satire. Tomorrow, regardless of intensity of pain, how rotten the nausea or heavy the fatigue, I am going to: Do 30 minutes of stretching like I did fiveContinue reading “I Love Ya, Tomorrow”

Strategic Existentialism

I’ve been running from myself so long, no wonder I’m exhausted. Two years into disabling illness, one ability hasn’t left me. I run in an unending mental marathon, but I can’t escape my broken mind and body. I’m with me wherever I go. Because my perspective on personal circumstances has proved untrustworthy in the past,Continue reading “Strategic Existentialism”

Through the Wringer

What a week it’s been. Whew. Over the last several days, excruciating pain plus symptoms of shaking, temperature dysregulation, sweating, nausea, vomiting, confusion, and uncontrollable tears have wrung me dry. A week ago, following a tooth extraction by an oral surgeon, I was in bad shape; I did have oxycodone prescribed and it helped, aContinue reading “Through the Wringer”

It’s Just Me

Wow, I’m having a tough time. I first was thinking I shouldn’t write this. Why put this out there? Wah, wah, wah. But then I thought that mood is how I’m feeling, and maybe there’s someone out there who would feel even a little less lonely if I publish a post reflective of my difficulties.Continue reading “It’s Just Me”

A Message from Above?

Just a newsy update: Following a necessary extraction of an upper molar, my body is in a full fibromyalgia flare. Given the surgeon said the tooth seemed to be seated in concrete, safe to assume the lower and upper jaw was traumatized. Pain and tightness cover my neck, temples, shoulders. In addition, a current fibroContinue reading “A Message from Above?”

The Long Weigh Down

In early October, at lunch with my mom and sisters, we discussed Bright Line Eating. I’d never heard of it but one of my sisters has had great success with it. (See post ‘Bright Lines’ from October 6, 2021.) This is an update on my weight loss efforts. When I lamented about the rollercoaster effectContinue reading “The Long Weigh Down”

After the Ink

Reggie drew up a beautiful tattoo for me, not as uptight as the original little bouquet of wildflowers I considered but not as loose and abstract as Chihuly glass. (He did keep moving his mask up & it kept sliding down. They had good “mask required” signage. Everyone in the shop wore them, including customers.)Continue reading “After the Ink”

Nada

Two pieces of bad news yesterday have got me emptied. If I speak, my voice will crack and tears will fall. Stop thinking. Don’t dwell. No feelings. Tears roll down cheeks if they must. Vague melancholy bests sobbing. Television provides distraction for brief respites, but physical pain permeates. Hollowed out currently. Too painful to thinkContinue reading “Nada”

Countdown: 3 Days

New tattoo being inked on Sunday, October 24th! When the tattoo studio manager called to confirm my upcoming appointment, he asked if I had reference photos. Apparently, the first email they requested back in August didn’t land in the correct inbox. I was, actually, relieved. I’ve given my new tattoo a lot of thought sinceContinue reading “Countdown: 3 Days”

Before – Early October

In late October, I’ll be receiving a tattoo on my lower right leg. (I just typed ‘left leg.’ Oops. Better get my story straight.) I made the appointment in August and emailed ideas to the artist. Here is the description with photos for a design. I’ll post “After” to let you know how the experienceContinue reading “Before – Early October”