I’m still here, damn it, purpose identified or not; so what’s the plan? How long has it been since I set out to discover a sense of meaning for this next chapter of my life? Feels like it’s been plenty of time, but nothing has materialized, no opportunity to set a course defined by aContinue reading “The Purpose of My Purpose”
Tag Archives: depression
What’s Up?
To anyone who reads this, thank you so much for listening. That’s how I think of the visitors and 143 followers of my blog, as listeners. Most of my posts receive a few views and occasionally someone “likes” something I write. Regardless of how any particular post is received, just publishing my thoughts and emotionsContinue reading “What’s Up?”
It’s as Beautiful or as Terrible as You Make It
What do I fear? What kind of energy am I holding inside? Instead of racing around in my head, I want to choose peace. Healing and calm CAN replace negative, toxic thoughts and emotions. This initially fills me with anxiety, as I internalize the message, “Your wellness is your responsibility. If you were good atContinue reading “It’s as Beautiful or as Terrible as You Make It”
Not So Great Expectations
Update on searching for a purpose: I’ve been working to accept that chronic illness and pain are here to stay and affect everything. I am leaving the past behind, so thankful that I was relatively healthy for so many years. It may be putting the horse before the cart, but I’ve made plans to getContinue reading “Not So Great Expectations”
On Mindfulness
Mindfulness is nothing more than a way to describe being fully present. Get out of your head. Still the inner voice that frets, regrets, plans, and criticizes. We are more than our thoughts and feelings, which are merely tools for us to use when it’s advantageous to do so. When you choose to live inContinue reading “On Mindfulness”
Circle Back
Seems I’ve been learning the same things for all my years. Felt like I was moving through life in a linear fashion but, looking over the posts of this blog, I found something that surprised me. I see recurrent themes and topics, which is to be expected. Then, not too long ago, I penned aContinue reading “Circle Back”
Letting Go
My life has consisted of serial efforts to meet or exceed expectations, obvious or imagined, in a wide variety of roles, both familial and those I’ve adopted. The past 18 months, I’ve been trying to succeed at fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. I’m so tired of clinging ferociously to my climbing rope, aiming for a plateauContinue reading “Letting Go”
Declaration of Peace
The cease fire of the armed conflict with myself outlines mutually agreed upon obligations. Both parties consent to: Disarmament to include insults, both real and imagined, self-doubt, pessimistic outlook, and any other efforts to injure. Revisiting the past will focus only on positive memories. Negative events are deleted and no longer available for review. BreathingContinue reading “Declaration of Peace”
I Want Off This Ride!
A couple of weeks ago, I met with a pharmacotherapist. I hadn’t known that was a thing; I thought people were just supposed to talk to a local, like a Walgreens or CVS, pharmacist. My pharmacy sits me down once a year and someone tells me to quit the omeprazole I take for acid reflux,Continue reading “I Want Off This Ride!”
All Things in Moderation
For years, I’d prided myself on being able to satisfy my sweet tooth, primarily a chocolate tooth, with a square or two of a candy bar. One cookie was enough for me to feel indulged. Over time, I began to have a little bit of chocolate and then a little bit more. In the earlyContinue reading “All Things in Moderation”
On Being
For the past week, I was. Today, I am. When anxious, I remind myself that my purpose, for now, is just to be. Be. When pain visited, enduring or distraction were my choices. I didn’t try to figure out how it originated, wasn’t surprised, and didn’t keep track of the usual problems. Some new symptomsContinue reading “On Being”
Passion
What is my passion? In reading articles regarding developing a personal purpose, some recommend having a purpose that involves an individual’s passion. Maybe my passion is wanting to figure out a life purpose that doesn’t require much change on my part. 😉 Things I’m pondering in relation to identifying passion and purpose: Do I needContinue reading “Passion”
Opting In
Reviewing methods of suicide, each has it’s own difficulty. All who know me well would understand if I chose not to bear the pain for the next decades. It truly is up to me. My new focus is finding purpose for this next chapter in my life. Until I discover what that is, I’ll doContinue reading “Opting In”
If I’m Honest
That phrase bugs the shit out of me. Yeah, please do. Be honest. Was everything before just bullshit? Are you letting me know that you’re not always telling me the truth? In the best light possible, it can mean you keep some things to yourself but, since someone asked, now you’ll say what you reallyContinue reading “If I’m Honest”
This or That?
In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changingContinue reading “This or That?”
I Should
More than once I’ve followed my thoughts down rabbit holes recently and landed on the idea that I should probably see a counselor to help me adjust to having a chronic illness. I should do yoga and meditate. I should spend less time on my tablet and do something more productive with that time. ButContinue reading “I Should”
This Moment
I’m in trouble. Fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, I don’t want to live this life for 20-30 years more. My husband would be free of my baggage. But I want to be at my sons’ weddings and be a grandma. I have a plan and the things I would need. I don’t want to call anyone. I’veContinue reading “This Moment”
These Days
Well, 2021 is certainly a disappointment out of the gate with strange days I never thought we’d be experiencing in the USA. Since March last, the whole world has been suspended in uncertainty, every single person on earth, old enough to comprehend, simultaneously.What energy has been released and where the hell will it take us?Continue reading “These Days”
The Last to Know
(Revised 2:30 p.m. PST) Turns out ostriches don’t actually bury their heads as some kind of response to an unknown threat. Females dig holes for eggs. Mothers put their heads in the holes regularly to rotate them. This is the image that led to the reference of burying one’s head in the sand. Like anContinue reading “The Last to Know”
One Year Later – Hope
I just passed the one year mark of the day I wrote a suicide note and purchased the supplies necessary to carry out my plan the next day, the Monday before Thanksgiving. I thought about it briefly, seated at our holiday table a few days ago, with my husband and two grown sons, but madeContinue reading “One Year Later – Hope”
