SurvivingSara

Tag: coping

  • Good Thinks

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    Sara Z
    in

    The title was meant to be “Good Things,” but the middle finger that moves involuntarily gave me “Good Thinks.” I’ll go with that. I’m looking for good thinks. A meditation I’ve used is sitting beside a stream, allowing leaves to carry away thoughts or concerns. I’ve never been a good meditator, but I wonder if…

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • Lordy, Lordy

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    Sara Z
    in

    Rambling & more Irritability? I got some. Blessings? An abundance. I want to live in the blessings, like sitting in the middle of a field of tulips, enjoying each gorgeous color. That’s not working for me presently. AAAAAAaaaaargh!!! I do have positive things happening in my life and will share them but first I have…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
    in

    Trigger warning: depression, suicidal thinking If you’re reading this, thanks for hanging out. I’m beginning again again. Opagque darkness has been visited upon me this past month, following a family upheaval. The spiral down was quick and steep, maybe because it’s so familiar. This time though, I got closer than I have ever been. On…

  • Who Dat?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Falling. Falling. Falling. Vertigo, loss of balance, leg weakness, trembling, tripping, collapsing, losing my place in space. Bumping, bruising, knocking, whacking, breaking. This past week, I got out of bed around midnight to use the bathroom. After taking a few steps and feeling unstable, I stood still. Planted both feet flat on the floor. Still,…

  • Good Day to You, Sir

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    Sara Z
    in

    Don’t know what kind of funk I’m in but I think SurvivingSara.net will be quiet for some time. It’s not that I chose a break. It chose me. I really think I’ll be back on here but I have no idea when. I think of you, people who’ve taken the time to read one post…

  • What Do I Owe?

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Tough. Feeling rough. In my head, “I just don’t care. I’m over it, don’t want to do this.” For the record, I’m not thinking about ending my life. I don’t care enough about it to take action. At the end of September last, I was hopeful a medication change would provide some relief, even a…

  • Watching the Machinery Break Down

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    Sara Z
    in

    Can you imagine how proud the farmer pictured was? This equipment was built in 1938 and looks like it’s of good use. Would you expect that piece of machinery to be running still in 2022? If you could get the engine started, its performance, if any, would certainly not compare with the earlier years. My…

  • What’s Up, Doc?

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    Sara Z
    in

    All right, readers; I’m going to do my best to to write about anything except fibromyalgia, depression, or suicide in the coming weeks. Those that follow along will know I’ve been preoccupied with an unsuccessful medication switch and return to original. Back to where I was at the beginning of September, I’ll appreciate the pain…

  • Whoop, There It Is

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    Sara Z
    in

    Warning: This post includes discussion of suicide. If you need help, call 988 to speak with a mental health professional right now. This tattoo was a symbol of choosing life when I committed to my first real ink art in November of 2021. Suicidal ideation has been a close companion daily for many years, and…

  • This Is It

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    Sara Z
    in

    In some cases, the difficult questions do eventually cul-de-sac into answers, whether we like them or not. One of my most challenging quests has been to find relief for my fibromyalgia. Is there anything out there that will address the whole enchilada? The answer has become quite clear. No more wondering or searching. This chronic…

  • ‘We wake up and take the indicated action.’ 

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    Sara Z
    in

    Christina Applegate has multiple sclerosis. She’s had it for a while. In an article, (link below) she spoke briefly about her experience since being diagnosed. The quote above shares a perspective of one of her M.S. friends. “…It’s been a tough road. But as we all know, the road keeps going. Unless some a**hole blocks…

  • Searching for Peace

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    Sara Z
    in

    Caution: Frank discussion of suicide. If you need help, call 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline to speak to mental health professionals. She danced and traveled. She was an accomplished psychiatric nurse and author. A searcher, she was seeking answers, solutions, alternatives. She provided support, encouragement, friendship and love to more people than we’ll ever know.…

  • To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn

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    Sara Z
    in

    My birthdays (I accidentally typed ‘girthdays’ which may be more appropriate!) aren’t such a big deal to me; I just consider it a day to pamper myself. Same ol’ same ol’ this year, my 58th birthday and I’m still so sick from changing medications for fibromyalgia. This time, though, was different! My husband began my…

  • For Today

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    Sara Z
    in

    For this day, right here, right now, I will not think about what others think of me. Hopefully, I’ll do it again tomorrow. p.s. Yes, I know they probably aren’t thinking about me right now, wherever they are! HAHAHAHA – holy crap. My husband just texted and said, “I just checked out today’s post. That’s…

  • F*cking FU%K

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    Sara Z
    in

    Yes, home remodels are notoriously late & over budget. I get it. Huge misunderstanding, though. I believed I had Alex the tile guy until my job was finished. No, if tile comes in on another job he’s doing for my husband, he’ll spend three or four days there. I know, what’s three or four days…

  • Countdown 3-2-! & More

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    Sara Z
    in

    Okay, my new bathroom tile will not look like this. Can you imagine? For my in-home spa (a very small en suite bathroom), I’m going for ‘serenity now & a laugh.’ But guess what, people! The tile setter is here working today and as many days as it takes! Not sure why, but approaching my…

  • So Sick & More

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    Sara Z
    in

    This past week, I’ve been in bad shape physically. I have much to share but can’t put together a real post. Luckily, I’m having some testing Friday to rule out problems other than fibromyalgia. The last post about the move-in of my mother-in-law ended on a positive note. Almost immediately after, I was irritated. Issue…

  • I Got Plastered & More

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    Sara Z
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    Hallelujah! My bathroom got some walls! I told the tile guy I’m not as excited as I was three months ago when demo happened. He assured me that’s the way it is, a pain in the ass. So, there’s that. As work begins in there, I realize the new bathroom is going to be smaller…