Category: Uncategorized
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The Purpose of Life
Purpose (def): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Purpose creates meaning, offers a sense of direction and helps guide our paths, behavior, and goals. Purpose according to Google: Live and let live. (I think it’s hilarious that one can ask google what the purpose of life is,…
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A New Way
My earliest desperate search for a life purpose or meaning, for which I could do great things, repeatedly and resoundingly hit a brick wall. The graffiti on that wall said, “breathe.” It took me a few years to understand that I actually had received my answer. All I needed to do was breathe. No big…
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Opting In
Reviewing methods of suicide, each has it’s own difficulty. All who know me well would understand if I chose not to bear the pain for the next decades. It truly is up to me. My new focus is finding purpose for this next chapter in my life. Until I discover what that is, I’ll do…
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If I’m Honest
That phrase bugs the shit out of me. Yeah, please do. Be honest. Was everything before just bullshit? Are you letting me know that you’re not always telling me the truth? In the best light possible, it can mean you keep some things to yourself but, since someone asked, now you’ll say what you really…
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That’s What I Just Said!
If I speak, will you hear me? Will you listen? Are you able to consider what I say before you react or are you already forming your response before I finish sharing my opinion? Is this a conversation, going both ways, or are you just sharing your news and conclusions, glossing over what I might…
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Nowhere to Hide
Today has been a terrible pain day. I have chronic inflammation of the soft tissues of the ribcage and sternum, which is where you find the nerves. It hurts to breathe. I can’t find the right way to describe the pain along the bottom of the ribs but the first time I had it I…
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This or That?
In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changing…
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What Have We Wrought?
After watching nearly all of the trial and with the jurors working toward the verdict, I felt certain the only decision possible was guilty. Been there before, though. More than once. Waiting on pins and needles with millions, I was afraid to hope for justice. I joined in the collective sigh across the nation, maybe…
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I Should
More than once I’ve followed my thoughts down rabbit holes recently and landed on the idea that I should probably see a counselor to help me adjust to having a chronic illness. I should do yoga and meditate. I should spend less time on my tablet and do something more productive with that time. But…
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Invictus
Two years ago today, I lost my dad. In the aftermath of the ICU, medical noise, and decisionmaking, we had a small gathering to honor him. I put together several of the multi photo displays, one each for his childhood, young family and work life, and the rest of his years. Many 8 x 10…
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REALITY
I can only do what I can do. Sometimes that’s breathing. It doesn’t feel like enough. Hope I’m up for gardening this spring.
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I Will
I will find a new way to weave love and compassion into the tapestry of life that works in my current circumstances. I will go outside for at least a few minutes every day, no excuses. Even if it’s just out my slider onto the deck, breathing fresh air is good for so many things.…
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100+ Blessings
Recovering from a dark day, I wanted to share that in the midst of my sorrow, the 100th person followed my blog. This is something I’ve been looking forward to since the 85th. 101 and 102 have followed too. This was a light for me yesterday and I’m very grateful.
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This Moment
I’m in trouble. Fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, I don’t want to live this life for 20-30 years more. My husband would be free of my baggage. But I want to be at my sons’ weddings and be a grandma. I have a plan and the things I would need. I don’t want to call anyone. I’ve…
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Downshifting
For decades, I’ve been in overdrive. Go, go, go. Career in the early days, babies and books for my husband’s small business, working from home and raising up two boys, and then part-time work. My mom asked me once if I ever relaxed. Admittedly, I have a terrible time unwinding mentally and physically. Here I…
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FATIGUE
It’s 11:04 am. I’ve been up since just before nine, a little more than two hours. One cup of coffee, read headlines, and dealt online with a data breach of a previous employer that may or may not affect me. Although I really want to shower right now, the chronic fatigue that has been a…
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C’mon,Take a Shot!
With a second shot on Friday, I finished my vaccinations, and two weeks from now I’ll be protected, at least 94% covered. The arena in town is a mass vaccination site. Four weeks ago, I received my first Moderna shot, following which I got COVID arm. A week AFTER the injection, the site became red,…
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What Now?
Whether disguised as a substitute teacher, a retail cashier, or a garden department associate, I was actually a weaver. My true purpose in life has been weaving love and compassion into the fabric of life regardless of where I am, what I’m doing, or with whom. Reminding myself of this has served to carry me…
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The Deep
It was the waves that called me and they did not disappoint. How could they? Much to my surprise, it was the heaving of the deep that really spoke to me. The rolling weight pushing the water, high tide or low, was the powerful driver of the waves on top. Between the curling and crashing,…
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It Took 29 Years to Get Here
On 2/29/92 at 2:29, I married my husband. I was 27 and he was 21, and we’d been dating for three years; I’ll let you do the math. We got married in Las Vegas because my family was in Washington State and his is all in California. We found a beautiful little chapel months ahead…
SurvivingSara 