If I’m Honest

That phrase bugs the shit out of me. Yeah, please do. Be honest. Was everything before just bullshit? Are you letting me know that you’re not always telling me the truth? In the best light possible, it can mean you keep some things to yourself but, since someone asked, now you’ll say what you really think.

So, here’s what I’m really thinking today. Watching a show earlier brought my dad to mind. I cried a little and thought how sad it is to lose loved ones. That was it! The people who love me will be sad whenever I die, whether it’s from suicide or old age. My last best reason is gone. This does not mean I’m planning my exit. It does feel like freedom.

I’m also thinking about my blog. I started it to document my journey up out of suicidal depression. I’m disappointed that I haven’t made it very far. In the big scheme of things, it’s nothing. What I have on my mind or how I’m feeling, like this very post, don’t matter. I might quit, and no one will miss it, except my sister who reads to gauge my mental health.

If I’m honest, these are subjects on my mind. IF this gets them out of my head, that will be one vote for continuing. I’m so tired.

Published by Sara Z

Writing is one of my passions. Most blog entries are relatively short articles regarding a wide variety of topics. I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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