Whether disguised as a substitute teacher, a retail cashier, or a garden department associate, I was actually a weaver. My true purpose in life has been weaving love and compassion into the fabric of life regardless of where I am, what I’m doing, or with whom. Reminding myself of this has served to carry me through many a day.
What now? Accepting that I’m chronically ill and now get wiped out just rinsing and loading dishes following a meal, I recognize this is a new day. For the first time in a decade, I’m questioning whether or not my purpose remains the same.
If yes, what opportunities are available to me? I feel like this blog is one such outlet but am skeptical it has an impact on any life but my own. Giving my pastimes a once over, I can see now that I have very much withdrawn into myself.
More likely, I think, is that a new season of my journey calls for repurposing. North as we are, gardening is delayed until Mother’s day. Planting beautiful colors and interesting flora on that day has become our tradition. I’m looking forward to supervising this year and really hope I’ll be able to find meaning anew to inspire in me. For now, I feel an openness to whatever lies ahead and that’s a good place to be.
Later – I looked back over old posts to make sure I hadn’t used this title before. On July 30, 2020 I did post “Now What?” Upon reading it, I realized it was also about coming to terms with being chronically ill, looking ahead through a new lens. Rather than flipping a switch, it is a much longer process to accept this new reality.