I tried to go to the store. My husband has continued to work, some days from home and a couple a week in the office. I’m no longer working in my essential position as a grocery store clerk/cashier because my doctor advised me not to be out in public until the virus is resolved, whatever that means.
After working outside in the yard yesterday, clearing dead plants out of my pots, I went to bed tired and sore and woke up the same. As I put together a short list of items for my husband to pick up on his way home from work later, I thought, “He’s working so hard through this, I will use the N95 mask (my husband was given by a construction worker early in March) and go for a real trip after meal planning. I can do this because it will take a load off my husband.”
Meal planning done, shower and makeup complete, I drove to the store; or should I say I started driving to the store. Visualizing how I was going to get produce without gloves, a panic attack began. I was hardly out of my neighborhood before my chest tightened, I felt terribly nauseous, and tears erupted.
I phoned my husband, hands free, and explained what I was experiencing. He quickly advised me to go home and get safe, assuring me he will take care of the grocery shopping.
I’m so disappointed. I think, “I’m so disappointed in myself,” but I know if a friend came to me, recalling such an episode, I would definitely counsel her to be kind to herself, understanding these are extraordinary times and reminding her that her doctor told her not to go out in public. So, I’m just breathing now.
The coronavirus isn’t the only unseen enemy. It’s accompanied by stress, fear, anxiety, loneliness, depression, financial problems, and mourning. If you’re experiencing difficulties during this terrible time, you are not alone.