SurvivingSara

Tag: anxiety

  • This or That?

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changing…

  • I Should

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    More than once I’ve followed my thoughts down rabbit holes recently and landed on the idea that I should probably see a counselor to help me adjust to having a chronic illness. I should do yoga and meditate. I should spend less time on my tablet and do something more productive with that time. But…

  • This Moment

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I’m in trouble. Fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, I don’t want to live this life for 20-30 years more. My husband would be free of my baggage. But I want to be at my sons’ weddings and be a grandma. I have a plan and the things I would need. I don’t want to call anyone. I’ve…

  • On the Inside

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I’m feeling squiggly, which is how I describe the roiling of depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. Not a full-on meltdown, just a constant, gnawing sense that I’m not okay or something out there isn’t right. It insists on receiving my attention, or at least won’t let me focus on anything else in a sustained, meaningful way.…

  • In My Brain

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Not sure this one will get published. May remain in draft limbo. My mind is not being very nice to me today. I was cleaning pine needles and weeds out of my succulent garden; and, out of nowhere, my brain started in, “You are the odd one. After you’ve been with people, they all agree…

  • High Anxiety

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    Sara Z
    in

    I tried to go to the store. My husband has continued to work, some days from home and a couple a week in the office. I’m no longer working in my essential position as a grocery store clerk/cashier because my doctor advised me not to be out in public until the virus is resolved, whatever…

  • Looking for Trouble

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My mind is swirling, searching through situations currently occurring in my life, trying to find something worrisome to grab like the brass ring at a carousel. Not working today, a massage is scheduled for this afternoon. I should get busy doing stuff around the house, but I feel really tired. I fret about all the…

  • A Wreck

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    When my mom asked where my pain is, my answer was lengthy. After a bit she texted, asking if I’d been in a wreck. I told her it sure feels like I’ve been in a wreck but it was just a session in the dental chair. I made it through the whole shift today, which…

  • Leftovers

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I am so anxious this morning. I’m thinking it must be left over from yesterday. I work today and tomorrow. I’m going to breathe and try to. Be fully present. When I have anxiety, real anxiety, more than just an uncomfortable feeling, my mind starts searching for the source. I mentality page through the catalogue…

  • Living with Chronic Pain

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    The first clue that my back pain was going to be something to deal with long-term, aside from my doctor realizing my legs were different lengths, was at the physical therapy office. At age 16, standing 5’9″ and weighing 103 pounds, the therapist traced both sides of my spine with marker, and then he started…