Looking for Trouble

My mind is swirling, searching through situations currently occurring in my life, trying to find something worrisome to grab like the brass ring at a carousel.

Not working today, a massage is scheduled for this afternoon. I should get busy doing stuff around the house, but I feel really tired. I fret about all the things that need doing.

I’ve lost the hard copy address book I’ve had for 30 years. Probably should start texting people and buy a new one to compile. I’m sure once I do that, the old one will appear.

My husband had the local news on the radio as he prepared for work, and the coronavirus was discussed at length; so there’s that, but I can do absolutely zero to address that problem.

The dream I had just before waking involved a multi family picnic and games at a lake. Somehow, while trying to dispose of my dog’s shat, someone thought i was part of a game and grabbed the napkin holding the droppings and threw it or spun it. Little poop balls landed all around the party, but no one noticed. I began frantically searching through balloons, beach toys, and bits of food on the ground, trying to clean it all up before anyone else found one. My oldest sister saw my distress, asked what was wrong, and immediately took charge. Doesn’t take a psychiatrist to translate that dream.

Although I haven’t landed on a worthy issue, the anxiety sits in my chest. Deep breathing helps. I want to get out of my head, but I don’t want to do anything. I’m binge watching a show on Netflix, but I know if I start it, time will get sucked into a black hole, and then I’ll feel bad about not getting anything done. Definitely need to stop “should-ing” on myself.

I have a feeling that what actually troubles me is that tomorrow would be my sister-in-law’s 52nd birthday if she hadn’t died of ALS. She would not support my moping. I’m going to breathe some fresh air and get a small organizing project done before my massage appointment. And then I’m going to binge on my show. In the last year, she did a lot of that and I think she would’ve really liked this drama series.

Published by Sara Z

Writing is one of my passions. Most blog entries are relatively short articles regarding a wide variety of topics. I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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