SurvivingSara

Category: Uncategorized

  • Do You Mind?

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Ease my mind. Practice mindfulness Keep in mind. Mind your manners. Mind the till. Playing mind games. On my mind Mind over matter My mind is racing. Mind your own business. Pay him no mind. I don’t mind. He’s got a sharp mind. In my mind’s eye. She has a mind of her own. The…

  • Moose on the Loose

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I don’t have much to say but wanted to share pictures of the mama moose and her twins. They visited my street and the field behind my house yesterday.

  • Tonight Will Be Better

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Insomnia. Not just sleep interrupted by trips to the kitchen or bathroom, now I’m talking about hours tossing and turning, in addition to waking up for the day at 4 or 5 am for no particular reason. As many as three naps a day does not even things out, maybe even more discombobulated upon waking.…

  • On Mindfulness

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Mindfulness is nothing more than a way to describe being fully present. Get out of your head. Still the inner voice that frets, regrets, plans, and criticizes. We are more than our thoughts and feelings, which are merely tools for us to use when it’s advantageous to do so. When you choose to live in…

  • Circle Back

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    Sara Z
    in

    Seems I’ve been learning the same things for all my years. Felt like I was moving through life in a linear fashion but, looking over the posts of this blog, I found something that surprised me. I see recurrent themes and topics, which is to be expected. Then, not too long ago, I penned a…

  • Letting Go

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My life has consisted of serial efforts to meet or exceed expectations, obvious or imagined, in a wide variety of roles, both familial and those I’ve adopted. The past 18 months, I’ve been trying to succeed at fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. I’m so tired of clinging ferociously to my climbing rope, aiming for a plateau…

  • Declaration of Peace

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    The cease fire of the armed conflict with myself outlines mutually agreed upon obligations. Both parties consent to: Disarmament to include insults, both real and imagined, self-doubt, pessimistic outlook, and any other efforts to injure. Revisiting the past will focus only on positive memories. Negative events are deleted and no longer available for review. Breathing…

  • The Nature of My Insecurity

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    When I read this, my anxiety rises. My head knows it is beautiful and I breathe, knowing it should feel good to revisit. Instead, I see a list of characteristics and rate my performance on each in the back of my mind, not comparing myself to others but judging against an ideal. The first hit…

  • Dr. Google

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Dr. Google is an alarmist. I knew this but I went back to see him because he’s so available to patients. No appointment, no answering service or on-call partners. I don’t have to sit in a waiting room full of sick people. No risk of COVID. And he provides diagnoses galore. Pick one! Don’t like…

  • Unbelievable

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I’m confused and pissed off. I just figured out ON MY OWN that I have chronic kidney disease, moderate to severe. Those words have never been said to me by a medical professional. What the fuck? Really! (please see following post, “Dr. Google.”) A few weeks ago, I saw a pharmacotherapist who went over my…

  • I Want Off This Ride!

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    A couple of weeks ago, I met with a pharmacotherapist. I hadn’t known that was a thing; I thought people were just supposed to talk to a local, like a Walgreens or CVS, pharmacist. My pharmacy sits me down once a year and someone tells me to quit the omeprazole I take for acid reflux,…

  • All Things in Moderation

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    Sara Z
    in

    For years, I’d prided myself on being able to satisfy my sweet tooth, primarily a chocolate tooth, with a square or two of a candy bar. One cookie was enough for me to feel indulged. Over time, I began to have a little bit of chocolate and then a little bit more. In the early…

  • Sparkle

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My latest consideration in search of a new life purpose is spurred by a memory. My family has lived in the same home for 20 years. Living on a cul-de-sac, even a long one, for a couple decades, you get to know your neighbors, especially our little slice of heaven. We’ve had progressive dinners, street…

  • It’s only 20 pounds

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    When I crossed the stage to receive my high school diploma, I stood 5’9″ and weighed about 110 pounds. I was able to eat as much as I wanted and not gain weight. I expected to be effortlessly thin all my life. Freshman year in college, my metabolism slowed down some. If I paid any…

  • Maybe I Am OK

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    An epiphany just hit me upside the head. Being strong in my pain and limitations does not require I never speak of my circumstances or shed tears, only that my joy for the experiences and enthusiasm of others is not diminished. What a relief.

  • Rethinking My Plan

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    Sara Z
    in

    This. ☝️ The dental aesthetician who placed my filling displayed a complete inability to concretely empathize with the patient in her chair; today it was me. Water, a lot of it, comes pouring down my neck twice, and she doesn’t apologize or wipe it up. She laughed, “Oh, ya get a little water?” She leaned…

  • Tearing It Down

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Searching for a life purpose continues and it occurs to me that perhaps I’m not going to be able to jump from one complete and satisfying purpose to another. I certainly didn’t arrive at my first signpost without major destruction. If I could conjure one without all the fuss, that would be so much more…

  • On Being

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    For the past week, I was. Today, I am. When anxious, I remind myself that my purpose, for now, is just to be. Be. When pain visited, enduring or distraction were my choices. I didn’t try to figure out how it originated, wasn’t surprised, and didn’t keep track of the usual problems. Some new symptoms…

  • Passion

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    What is my passion? In reading articles regarding developing a personal purpose, some recommend having a purpose that involves an individual’s passion. Maybe my passion is wanting to figure out a life purpose that doesn’t require much change on my part. 😉 Things I’m pondering in relation to identifying passion and purpose: Do I need…

  • Warts and All

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    In the name of documenting my journey, the good and the bad, as I struggle to identify a purpose for this next chapter of life, this is another day hoping for progress towards a new purpose, renewed meaning. Two steps forward, 5 or 10 back. Very much on my mind that what’s on my mind…