Passion

Passion fruit flower

What is my passion? In reading articles regarding developing a personal purpose, some recommend having a purpose that involves an individual’s passion. Maybe my passion is wanting to figure out a life purpose that doesn’t require much change on my part. šŸ˜‰

Things I’m pondering in relation to identifying passion and purpose:

Do I need to see/know the result or consequence for my purpose to be achieved?

I used to feel so passionate about gardening. Now, it’s quite an effort. Painting? I’ve done three and have enjoyed. Paint for painting’s sake? My purpose is to paint? Doesn’t sound right.

I want to see things in a new way, looking at purpose from different angles. I’ve been thinking of purpose as something I do for others that serves love. A different perspective might mean purpose for purpose sake? Not involving others at all? Love for love’s sake? Can my purpose not involve serving people, directly or indirectly. Love is my passion. Does that assume an interaction between people?

What if I just need to BE and not try to construct a purpose that looks and sounds like service. What if I’m just telling myself this to get out of further reflection, not to mention the easiest task possible, just be. As I write this, I think to myself, “Being isn’t easy for me.” I’ve contemplated not being and all the ripples that would emanate from me making the definitive choice not to be. Depending on how low I am, I may sort through the life events I would miss with my sons, convincing myself they’d do just fine or, alternatively, how sad that they wouldn’t have their mom celebrating and loving them.

If I establish purpose and meaning as existing, it could be so much more than sitting on my arse, need for achievements erased; although, I have told my husband I’m fine as long as no one expects anything of me. šŸ¤­

In conversation with the massage therapist I see every three weeks, he discussed how important it is for me to stretch and get regular exercise. I answered, “Well, this is my full time job,” referring to improving my sense of well-being. (I won’t mention here his comparison of being tired at the end of the work day with the disabling fatigue I feel many days.) I will, however, confess that hearing people urge me to exercise is tiresome. Don’t get me wrong; they are right and I know it. Most of them, though, can’t imagine the wide ranging fibromyalgia symptoms that vary in frequency and intensity, influencing daily activities, every day.

Since November of 2019, merely living through some days has been quite a challenge, an achievement. I am proud of my efforts when I manage eating three small, nutritious meals a day consistently, breathe using my diaphragm periodically, and steer my mind away when I start to wonder how I could bring an end to mental and physical battles.

Definitely going to give this some thought. Simply being sounds too easy, bringing my search to a fairly quick conclusion as well as allowing myself a purpose that requires only that I stay alive. That’s on the surface. What would it mean as an ongoing, important, singular goal? Contributing love is my passion. How does daily survival relate to my passion?

As I type ‘survival’ my blog name pops up for a word choice – Survivingsara.net. I chose this title in December 2019 when I first decided to record my experiences with depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia, addressing my effort to survive as well as appreciating that my loved ones are surviving my struggle, supporting me. Feels like confirmation. We’ll see. Gonna live this day.

Published by Sara

I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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