Tearing It Down

Searching for a life purpose continues and it occurs to me that perhaps I’m not going to be able to jump from one complete and satisfying purpose to another. I certainly didn’t arrive at my first signpost without major destruction. If I could conjure one without all the fuss, that would be so much more convenient and a lot less painful. Besides, it seems to me that my previous life has been completely torn down – no work, little contact with people, and minimal expectations around household chores. How on earth could I require more demo?

Perhaps the tearing down has neared completion. Clearing the rubble precedes preparing the site for future development. Taking down one building doesn’t necessarily mean it will be replaced with another. The beautiful Incarnate Word Academy in downtown Houston was razed about five years ago despite protests. It was demolished, despite its beauty, to make way for a “central” park through the Energy Corridor.

In the abstract, I would certainly be all for green space to replace an old building. Appreciating the edifice of Incarnate Word Academy gave me pause. Even though it stood in stark relief to its surroundings, or because it did, the old red brick facade looked so beautiful.

Tear down commenced. Once the rubble was carted away, the foundation was transformed into a parkway. It wasn’t a process completed overnight. First, there was quite a mess and, I imagine, some tears. Demolition was followed by construction of the new park.

Moving from one home to another would be easier and a whole lot cleaner than tearing down the one in which I currently reside and constructing a completely new one. There’s no temporary housing; I’m in the midst of the rubble. Apparently, dropping a prefab building on the site is not an option; that’s definitely what I’ve been attempting. From here, new materials must be placed before an alternate purpose can be constructed, and it may be a completely different design than the previous structure.

Although basic building blocks sound simple, they’re vital for safety and longevity. If I choose not to be bothered with the little things, a new purpose may crack and crumble. Therefore, after months with rare use of cosmetics, I will put on makeup two or three times a week. No one else cares or sees, but I know my plain reflection reinforces my negative mindset. “Putting my face on” helps me feel more like myself. Another basic is walking. I nearly made it to my goal, two blocks, a day ago, but now the skin on one heel is split open. (I officially recognize myself as an old person.) When it heals, walking regularly will commence. That’s plenty for now. If I can establish a routine of applying makeup and going for short walks every other day or so, I’ll evaluate what’s next in this project of building a new purpose.

Published by Sara Z

Writing is one of my passions. Most blog entries are relatively short articles regarding a wide variety of topics. I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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