Today’s the day. My mother-in-law moves into our daylight basement this evening, at least her bed. When they get here, my husband has to get the bed set up because we don’t have anywhere else for her to sleep. Tomorrow, an entire U-haul will be emptied into the limited space downstairs.
In the face of this, I’m actually doing okay. My counselor has checked in as have my two closest friends. My lifelong friend has wanted so badly for me to return to a higher level of functioning, able to go sit on a beach, eat out at a restaurant, or travel for a girls’ weekend, all things that are out of reach now. The result has been her heartfelt suggestions for me. Currently, I think she’d settle for me having a better frame of mind and mood. My other close friend listens and shares the stress she’s undergoing.
How has my outlook lightened since last Wednesday, when I cried from the deepest part of myself, sobbing, and overwhelmed by feeling alone in this and with no control? I’ve spoken with my husband about how engrossed he’s been and clearly not hearing me, not even pretending. He said he has deep regrets regarding that lack of communication. He explained that he’s had a whirwind in his head, so desperately tired of working on sprucing up the basement. If he’d said that a week ago, opened up and told me, it would’ve eased my worry that he loves his mom more and that it was more important to please her upon arrival than paying attention to us in the present.
Perhaps, I need to step back as we move through the next week. Pulling on my husband, insisting he stop what he’s in the midst of doing and thinking, puts me in a power struggle with him for proof of loving me more than his mom. As I type it, I see that’s a lose-lose for my marriage. Not that I shouldn’t speak up when I’m having serious depression issues, but I don’t need to add things to his to-do list. I also do not want to put my husband in the position of having to defend his mom.
Moving forward, I’m retiring the signal ‘rambling’ to denote updates. Now, I’ll let you know how things are playing out and the new clue will be ‘and more.’ I’m not going to sugarcoat the experience; I’m committed to transparency. When I spoke to my counselor yesterday, I told her I’m more resigned now than a burning rage of, “I DON’T WANT HER IN MY HOME BUT I HAVE NO CONTROL! GRR!” the way I had been feeling.
New birdfeeders have arrived and I was able to set up my new bird center. The birds haven’t figured out there’s a new restaurant in town, and it’s a buffet with three different kinds of food. I’ve also redone the guest bathroom (since my bathroom remains untouched). These things have helped to lift my mood.
My plan for today and the coming days is to sit back and watch it happen – and to tell you all about it.
SurvivingSara 