No Words

Photo by Aleksandr Burzinskij on

When time came to confirm my counseling appointment, scheduled for yesterday, instead of choosing “confirm” or “cancel” I left a rambling message for my provider. One bit about having two sprained ankles, explaining I literally didn’t know what to do. You’re supposed to talk to your support when you’re down, yes? I waited a few hours for a reply. None came. I hit the confirm button. wtf

It became obvious Monday that one of my sprained ankles was healing really well, responding to the full-court press with rest, ice, compression, and elevation. In comparison, the left lower leg and ankle, the “bad” one was not responding the same way. The bruising is from my toes, across my foot, and all around the ankle and lower leg. Although there was no black-and-blue on my shin area, there is the green/yellow tint of a bruise on its way out. Thankfully, I already had an appointment scheduled for my primary doctor. Looking forward to some imaging and I’d really like a boot.

Time approached for my video meeting with my counselor. I receive a text to join the meeting at about 9:45 a.m. I was still lying in bed, pajamas, bedhead. If we were going to meet, I was not making any effort. I had no efforts left to make. I held off on joining until closer to 10, and then my phone rang. Private number. Figured it was her and I answered. She inquired whether I’d decided one way or the other about appointment. I told her, “I have no idea what I would say. My only answer to questions is probably ‘fuck it.’ I don’t have an opinion about meeting,” and included information about the pain in my left leg, the death of my husband’s stepdad, and that he was leaving to go help his mom.

My therapy provider commented that I didn’t sound good. She commented but it seemed more like a question. I assured her I wouldn’t hurt myself. I just didn’t have words. We planned an earlier day to touch base rather than waiting until next regularly scheduled. Hope to have words after my doctor visit.

Another post sans proofread. I’ll probably do it later.

Published by Sara Z

Writing is one of my passions. Most blog entries are relatively short articles regarding a wide variety of topics. I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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