SurvivingSara

Tag: coping

  • If I’m Honest

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    Sara Z
    in

    That phrase bugs the shit out of me. Yeah, please do. Be honest. Was everything before just bullshit? Are you letting me know that you’re not always telling me the truth? In the best light possible, it can mean you keep some things to yourself but, since someone asked, now you’ll say what you really…

  • This or That?

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    Sara Z
    in

    In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changing…

  • REALITY

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    Sara Z
    in

    I can only do what I can do. Sometimes that’s breathing. It doesn’t feel like enough. Hope I’m up for gardening this spring.

  • I Will

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    Sara Z
    in

    I will find a new way to weave love and compassion into the tapestry of life that works in my current circumstances. I will go outside for at least a few minutes every day, no excuses. Even if it’s just out my slider onto the deck, breathing fresh air is good for so many things.…

  • Downshifting

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    Sara Z
    in

    For decades, I’ve been in overdrive. Go, go, go. Career in the early days, babies and books for my husband’s small business, working from home and raising up two boys, and then part-time work. My mom asked me once if I ever relaxed. Admittedly, I have a terrible time unwinding mentally and physically. Here I…

  • FATIGUE

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    Sara Z
    in

    It’s 11:04 am. I’ve been up since just before nine, a little more than two hours. One cup of coffee, read headlines, and dealt online with a data breach of a previous employer that may or may not affect me. Although I really want to shower right now, the chronic fatigue that has been a…

  • Dream a Little

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    Sara Z
    in

    What is life going to be like after widespread vaccinations? It’s doubtful we’ll snap back to where we “left off” before the pandemic. So many loved ones will not be with us. Many businesses haven’t survived and won’t be available. For me, although not involving COVID, the past year has been difficult with my physical…

  • Recalibrating Good

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    Sara Z
    in

    “Have a good day!” “How was your day?” “Hi, how are you doing?” “Did you have a good day?” What is good? What’s going on in your life when you’re pretty sure it will be a good day? How might a day unfold that results in you considering it a good day? For me, personally,…

  • The Last to Know

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    Sara Z
    in

    (Revised 2:30 p.m. PST) Turns out ostriches don’t actually bury their heads as some kind of response to an unknown threat. Females dig holes for eggs. Mothers put their heads in the holes regularly to rotate them. This is the image that led to the reference of burying one’s head in the sand. Like an…

  • What Is My Thing?

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    Sara Z
    in

    You know how after a tragedy, people say no one knows what they’d do unless they were there. Well, here we are, nine months into a pandemic with millions getting ill and dying around the world. With the worst up ahead, we are in that moment. So, I started thinking about how I’m handling this…

  • Where is this?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Here I am in a new place. The travel itinerary for the last year, 12 months – not calendar, has been one of exploring roadside attractions I had visited previously or those in which I certainly had no interest. Severe, suicidal depression was the first stop. I am so familiar with depression, I was sure…

  • Hope This Finds You Well

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    Sara Z
    in

    In recent weeks, both of my young adult sons have, separately, encouraged me to begin walking regularly, sure that’s all I need to feel better. I agree with them that walking routinely would be helpful and it is a goal, but it’s not the cure. If I’m having a good day, I can handle stairs…

  • Life in the Days of COVID

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    Sara Z
    in

    The beautiful colors of autumn are beginning to show themselves, oblivious to the pathogen affecting everyone on the planet, whether the inhabitants accept or ignore reality. The confluence of a deadly pandemic, ineffective handling of said contagion, and the state of social unrest here in the USA has resulted in a season of uncertainty and…

  • Why Doesn’t Trump WantUsToWearMasks?

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    Sara Z
    in

    What are your expectations of the federal government in a pandemic? Back when we heard the first mentions of a virus coming, who did you imagine would lead us through this historic crisis? Just as I wasn’t able to envision the daily doings of a President Trump or his administration following his election in 2016,…

  • I’ll Take It

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    Sara Z
    in

    Feeling ever so slightly better, in comparison to the last couple weeks, so I want to acknowledge that. Things could flip at any moment, but it’s been a nice four hours, and maybe I’ll get more. I’m switching insurance and, of course, there was a hitch; so I was going to write this as I…

  • How Long?

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    Sara Z
    in

    When every day is painful and difficult, how many years of that do you owe to the people who love you before you choose to be done struggling, knowing full well that the pain and difficulty will then transfer to your family and friends. What is strong? You hear people say sometimes, “Oh, she was…

  • Prognosis

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    Sara Z
    in

    So irritated that my depression is not improving according to my plan and timetable. I’ve been through this a couple times before, so I know the drill. Let’s go!

  • The Best-Laid Plans…

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    Sara Z
    in

    Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months. It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression.…

  • Now What?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Life has taken a new shape for everyone. There’s a hole in many lives that used to be filled with work, friends, sporting events, summer vacations, taking your kids to swim in a pool crowded with splashing, hollering kids, etc. Personally, after leaving my job due to prior lung damage, I thought I’d rest up…

  • On the Inside

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m feeling squiggly, which is how I describe the roiling of depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. Not a full-on meltdown, just a constant, gnawing sense that I’m not okay or something out there isn’t right. It insists on receiving my attention, or at least won’t let me focus on anything else in a sustained, meaningful way.…