The Best-Laid Plans…

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months.

It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression. I just completed my medication transition three weeks ago, and Dr. Liz made it clear it takes three weeks for these new meds to reach the neurotransmitters. All right, 21 days at therapeutic dose, so I decided today I would turn a new leaf, feel much better, shower, put on makeup, write a blog post on coping with chronic illness, and probably do some oil painting as art therapy.

Upon waking this morning, I was incredibly dizzy, and the more I move around, the more queasy I get. Currently, my to-do list features one item – take a shower.

A couple things come to mind. First, in addition to needing three weeks to reach the brain, I’ve been taught that medications for depression can take three to four months to level out consistently.. Also, even when those meds reach my brain and stabilize, I’ve still got fibromyalgia.

So, I’m not constructing a thoughtful post about my insights and experiences living with a chronic illness over years. This is the post I’m capable of today, Instead of feeling disappointed in myself, I’m just shaking my head at myself; someday maybe I’ll accept that I do not get to decide how I’m going to feel tomorrow.

Published by Sara

I'm middle-aged, mother of two adult sons, and a wife. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and now I work in retail. File that under life takes many twists and turns one cannot predict!

2 thoughts on “The Best-Laid Plans…

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. For what it’s worth I find the fact that you’re writing and making a point about life to be very inspiring. I admire your courage.

    Liked by 1 person

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