SurvivingSara

Tag: anxiety

  • мы любим Россию

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    Sara Z
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    Freeze on aid to Ukraine. CIA ordered not to share information with Ukraine. Trump gave Putin two incredible gifts and may effectively end the war in favor of Russia without the need for messy negotiations where Zelensky might ask for stuff. We know Putin and Trump share an opinion about the Ukrainian leader. “Ukraine started…

  • Some things

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    Sara Z
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    The new year started with my plan to boycott all news because it made me so ill. Politics, fires, dismantling of the government by unelected and unqualified unknowns, climate change effects in real time, and the return to the highest office in the land of an orange man who claims to be the king. Much…

  • Don’t Should on Me

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    Sara Z
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    All day, every day, for all my adult life, I’ve been “should-ing” on myself. Whether I realized it or not, the tape was running in the background of my mind constantly. I should: Every day tasks became increasingly difficult as aches, pains, cramps, dizziness, and nausea took up residence. But I should… Even as my…

  • To Be or Not To Be… Disabled On Acceptance

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    Sara Z
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    It’s official. I’m disabled. I’d already actually accepted that I am, and then the Social Security Administration agreed. Following an initial application denial and written appeal by me, a hearing with an administrative law judge who denied my claim in record time, my attorney encouraged me to appeal higher, to a 3-judge panel. That panel…

  • Oh, The Places I’ll Go in 2024… In My Mind

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    Sara Z
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    Fibro controls so many things in my life, but not everything.

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    Sara Z
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    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Whoop, There It Is

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    Sara Z
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    Warning: This post includes discussion of suicide. If you need help, call 988 to speak with a mental health professional right now. This tattoo was a symbol of choosing life when I committed to my first real ink art in November of 2021. Suicidal ideation has been a close companion daily for many years, and…

  • This Is It

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    Sara Z
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    In some cases, the difficult questions do eventually cul-de-sac into answers, whether we like them or not. One of my most challenging quests has been to find relief for my fibromyalgia. Is there anything out there that will address the whole enchilada? The answer has become quite clear. No more wondering or searching. This chronic…

  • Fibro & More Fibro

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    Sara Z
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    In the midst of transitioning from one fibromyalgia to another, I am feeling fibro. The fatigue is very heavy. Use of muscle relaxer and/or a med to take for nausea cause extra tiredness so, of late, I’m very reluctant to take either because it just lays me out. Not having much, if any, response to…

  • F*cking FU%K

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    Sara Z
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    Yes, home remodels are notoriously late & over budget. I get it. Huge misunderstanding, though. I believed I had Alex the tile guy until my job was finished. No, if tile comes in on another job he’s doing for my husband, he’ll spend three or four days there. I know, what’s three or four days…

  • Sigh

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    Sara Z
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    Contents of the bubble above is ll I got. Checking in but don’t have energy or brain ability to write. Breathing. Hope all is well with you. Thanks for reading.

  • I Got Plastered & More

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    Sara Z
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    Hallelujah! My bathroom got some walls! I told the tile guy I’m not as excited as I was three months ago when demo happened. He assured me that’s the way it is, a pain in the ass. So, there’s that. As work begins in there, I realize the new bathroom is going to be smaller…

  • The Last Ramble

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    Sara Z
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    Today’s the day. My mother-in-law moves into our daylight basement this evening, at least her bed. When they get here, my husband has to get the bed set up because we don’t have anywhere else for her to sleep. Tomorrow, an entire U-haul will be emptied into the limited space downstairs. In the face of…

  • Rambling Along Alone

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    Sara Z
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    Warning: discussion of suicide

  • Side Effects of Rambling

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    Sara Z
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    In this period immediately preceding the move-in of my mother-in-law, I’ve occasionally recorded, here in my blog, the thoughts I’m having and the implications of this new living arrangement as they’ve come up for me. I share my feelings with my husband, whose most common response recently is, “I don’t think it’s going to be…

  • Got the Pic! & Need to Ramble

    Got the Pic! & Need to Ramble

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    Sara Z
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    In an earlier post, “This Joint is Jumpin’,” I told readers I would try to get a picture of the birdfeeder in my backyard when it’s busy. This is quite the challenge because if I’m outside, the birds hide. As soon as I come back into the house, feeding resumes. So, I managed to get…

  • 45+3

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    Sara Z
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    My mother-in-law sold her house, pending appraisal, less than a week after putting it on the market. There’s a 45-day escrow plus three days for moving. She’ll be relocating to our home immediately after Labor Day. The plan that was drawn up after the death of her husband in January is coming to fruition imminently.…

  • Hearing Hangover

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    Sara Z
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    Following my discouraging disability hearing yesterday, I yet felt weight move from my shoulders, down through my hands. I had my husband brush the negative energy down my arms and out my fingertips. Sleep was spotty with blurred edges. This morning I woke up at my usual time, about 7 am, and had a cup…

  • Hard of Hearing

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    Sara Z
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    The problem with having slow thinking, trouble expressing yourself, and difficulty focusing is trying to describe your situation and limitations effectively in a disability hearing with an administrative law judge. The hearing started with a medical expert who concluded I had no limittions. None. She referred to notes from my past therapist and more than…