SurvivingSara

Category: Uncategorized

  • Life in Color

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    Sara Z
    in

    Last night, my husband said, “Your medicine must have kicked in, because it’s like a switch has been flipped.” This is coming from a guy who used to hate the idea of me being on antidepressants. Over the years, he’s seen that I do have a chemical imbalance that results in severe depression when not…

  • Small Victories

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    Sara Z
    in

    For the first time in months, I hit a trifecta. Having the day off with no appointments scheduled, I nevertheless showered, put real clothes on, and left the house. 🏠 I visited my mom and stopped at the store. There is a plan for dinner and all ingredients procured. The chaos of wrapping and tissue…

  • The Challenge

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    Sara Z
    in

    Now that I’m on the mend from the flu and depression, my thoughts turn to dealing with the detritus that’s accumulated as a result of months of being ill. Balance is crucial for long-term recovery; I’ve had to learn this lesson more than once. Listening to my body has gotten easier; and the miscellaneous remnants,…

  • Good Days

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    Sara Z
    in

    😁 I started this blog as a way to explore and document my experiences as I recovered from the worst major depressive episode I’ve had. The most detailed description of this time, as well as my previous history with clinical depression, can be found on the page “Chapters of My Life.” I’m so relieved to…

  • My Faith Journey

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    Sara Z
    in

    One day at a strip mall, two older girls, late teens or early 20’s, approached my friend and I, asking if we had accepted Christ. I was probably in fifth or sixth grade. One of them explained, “You just have to ask Jesus into your heart.” I said, “Oh, yeah. I ask him in all…

  • You Never Know

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    Sara Z
    in

    Have you ever made up a nickname for someone you don’t know? Maybe you and your coworkers have a name for someone you see around, or a neighbor you discuss with your partner that you refer to by some characteristic? I went to a fairly small, state university and saw the same people repeatedly in…

  • Living with Chronic Pain

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    Sara Z
    in

    The first clue that my back pain was going to be something to deal with long-term, aside from my doctor realizing my legs were different lengths, was at the physical therapy office. At age 16, standing 5’9″ and weighing 103 pounds, the therapist traced both sides of my spine with marker, and then he started…

  • Blogging

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    Sara Z
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    I’ve decided to do all of my writing as blog posts, rather than using “Chapters of My Life” for longer passages, thinking it’s probably harder to follow and find specific topics. I’m open to feedback on this.

  • Love

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    Sara Z
    in

    I looked at the label of this 40 x 40 inch canvas multiple times while it was rolled up in its package on the clearance table and decided it would be perfect to hang at the end of our deck to block the view of our camper. After a few days of walking past and…

  • Relief

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    Sara Z
    in

    Although I’m still incredibly fatigued and continue to cough, I do think my mood is improving. I was very scared that I was sinking again, having trouble keeping my head above water. Being seriously sick definitely complicates healing from depression. My concern now is avoiding additional viral or bacterial illness while my immune system is…

  • Darkness Returns

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    Sara Z
    in

    I know for sure I had three good days, January 17, 18, and 19, but I can’t remember what they felt like. I got really sick with the flu, and it seems to have taken my fleeting good mood with it. I don’t know how to get it back.

  • Two steps forward, one step back

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    Sara Z
    in

    I disappoint myself in many ways. Some who know and love me say I’m too hard on myself. Being sick has depleted me. Sad news today that a little boy who lived nextdoor years ago committed suicide at the age of 18. So sad. But if I find it so sad, how can it be…

  • Journal (not sure of the date)

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    Sara Z
    in

    I had three really good days. Then I caught the crud my husband had. Fever, body aches and cough. Wish I had gotten the flu shot. My fever is going up daily. I know my immune system is compromised from the extreme depression. This is very reminiscent of 2009, getting viral overload and ending up…

  • Journal 1/22

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    Sara Z
    in

    I had a few really good days and now I’m sick. I’m determined to get better, but it does make me nervous that, in past episodes of major depression, once I’ve gotten lifted up a bit I’ve been hit with illnesses or circumstances that have dragged me back down. I have a couple more chapters…

  • Chapter Five

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    Sara Z
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    In this chapter, I describe my second major depressive episode and beginning treatment with Dr. Liz. It’s available now under Chapters of My Life.

  • Journal 1/18

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m actually in a good mood! I feel like maybe I’ve turned a corner, but I’ve felt like that previously. It also occurs to me that if you turn enough corners, you are going in circles. Going to enjoy this good mood though. I’ve spent the past four days in bed. Yesterday, I told my…

  • Journal 1/15

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    Sara Z
    in

    I feel rested. I’m not tearful. I’m grateful for a sunny, blue sky. I am hopeful but nervous. This has been such a rollercoaster ride.

  • Chapter Four

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    Sara Z
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    I’ve just posted the next chapter of my life in which I discuss my first episode of major clinical depression. As I wrapped it up, I realized it’s only been seven weeks since I was acutely suicidal, and I need to be patient with myself.

  • Journal 1/14

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    Sara Z
    in

    I feel weary and pathetic. I worked the past two days, choking on tears to keep them at bay. Last night, when I got off work, I sobbed from the deepest part of myself for an hour. One of my best friends texted to see how I was doing, so I called and she talked…

  • Journal 1/12

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Difficult day, hard to get through work. Molehills look like mountains and I overreact to family issues. Dr. Liz likened the process of recovering from major depression to being in labor and compared working while recovering to walking around during hard labor. She said she’s trying to get me through as quickly as she can…