SurvivingSara

Category: Uncategorized

  • Irritated and Foggy

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    Sara Z
    in

    So fricking pissed. When writing a post, I like to add a picture that ties in. I’ve been using Pixel Free pics but after a couple/few days, the picture is down and replaced with a message regarding a lack of attributes. Now, I’m not tech adept in the best of circumstances, but right now, I’m…

  • Comfort in Numbers

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    Sara Z
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    It was, at once, both relieving and a bit surprising when I learned yesterday that people with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia are 10 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population and almost three times more likely than other chronic pain patients. (Pain News Network) It’s perverse, but it helps to know I’m…

  • In My Brain

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    Sara Z
    in

    Not sure this one will get published. May remain in draft limbo. My mind is not being very nice to me today. I was cleaning pine needles and weeds out of my succulent garden; and, out of nowhere, my brain started in, “You are the odd one. After you’ve been with people, they all agree…

  • Dear Mr. President

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    Sara Z
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    Can you imagine if, after World War II, the people living in Germany erected statues of Hitler, Himmler, Eichmann, Mengele, Hess, etc.? It would’ve continued to intimidate Jewish communities, gay people, Roma, and whoever else got in the way. It would have been a clear message to all that they may have surrendered in battle…

  • Can I Get Some Help Here?

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    Sara Z
    in

    The trickle down effect of strange, which started with our realization that we are in the midst of a pandemic, seems to have reached all levels of life. Nationwide, the social, emotional, and economic strain on the fabric of our country can be felt in a myriad of ways. Much like the frustration encountered when…

  • The Long Road to Justice

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    Sara Z
    in

    28 years ago, on a Friday afternoon in the spring of 1992, we waited pensively for the verdicts in the trial of the four police officers who beat Rodney King, hitting him with batons and kicking him for what seemed like forever. This was way before cell phones, so it was very unusual to watch…

  • Not One More

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    Sara Z
    in

    It has come to this – we must police the police. When we see officers arresting people, we need to stop what we’re doing and watch. That’s all – watch. If things aren’t going well, we record. We can no longer go on about our busy days, assuming law enforcement will administer our laws equitably,…

  • Where Is Basic, Decent Humanity?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Kneeling on a man’s neck for eight minutes, the last two-and-a-half unresponsive, no longer begging to breathe or calling for his mama, surrounded by a crowd of people shouting at you, Chauvin, to let the man breathe – that is a savage, inhumane abuse of power, a depraved act, in full view of all with…

  • Wait, What?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Back in November, in the midst of profound depression, I stayed in bed for a couple weeks and zoned out on binge TV, waiting for the meds to reach my brain. One particular show looked interesting; but when it started, the sound effects seemed extreme and discordant. I remember thinking it made the show unwatchable.…

  • The Fibro Ride

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    Sara Z
    in

    As tempted as I am to analogize living with fibromyalgia to the ups and downs of a rollercoaster ride, more ups would be required. It’s more like a ferris wheel. Eleven years after the onset and eight since the first of three diagnoses, I think I may be accepting that I am living with chronic…

  • Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

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    Sara Z
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    Friday was a milestone. We did it. My husband and I went out for dinner at a restaurant! This was the grand finale to my husband’s 50th birthday. I was a reluctant diner, but the restaurant assured they were operating at 50% capacity. We were directed to call from the parking lot upon our arrival…

  • The Gift that Keeps on Giving

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    Sara Z
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    About ten years ago, my uncle was trying to clear out the fruits of his late wife’s bargain hunting skills. She was like the Energizer bunny, always on the move and, as she buzzed around, she was asking questions and conversing all the while. I’m sure she saved a lot of money buying decor, small…

  • Am I the Only One Who…

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    Sara Z
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    is it just me, or do others apologize to their pets if they bump into them or are late to get their dinner served? Am I the only one of my generation, end of the boomers, who always just assumed, as we were growing up, the government was regularly listening to phone calls? Are other…

  • Dancing Glances

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m experiencing glancing pain all over my body with intermittent aches. It’s such a strange feeling, thought I’d try to describe it. There is a burning type of pain, some muscle aches and spasms, and stingers. They travel, lighting up different areas very quickly. First a pain on top of my left ankle, an ache…

  • Sorry

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    Sara Z
    in

    However well-laid my plans or adept my ability to delude myself about having some measure of control in this life, many days do not follow the course as mapped out the night before. I wrote the paragraph above this morning at about 11 am. It is now 4 o’clock and I just sent this text…

  • Is God Playing Chess?

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    Sara Z
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    When someone says, “Everything happens for a reason,” I bristle. It’s involuntary and visceral. I used to say it myself. We employ this phrase as though it is a comfort. We trot it out because we don’t know what else to say, which makes us uncomfortable. It fills the painful, quiet space that one experiences…

  • Growing

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    Sara Z
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    in my early years, I eschewed anything domestic. I didn’t cook, sew, or garden. As far as any attempt to care for indoor plants, fugget about it. In ’95 or ’96, my parents relocated to Arizona for a few years, and my mom gave me all her houseplants. They were beautiful and fairly large. They…

  • That Time My Live-in Boyfriend Fell in Love with Someone Else

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    Sara Z
    in

    Previously my annoying roommate and now my live-in boyfriend, let’s call him Tom, we were from the same hometown, had graduated from the same university; but hadn’t met until we found ourselves teaching in the Southern California desert, although at different districts. He was teaching in town, where we lived, and I taught about 20…

  • So Cal, Lake L.A. and Down Below

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    Sara Z
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    Southern California is a great place to spend your 20’s, even if you’re in the high Mojave desert, a world away from Hollywood, Malibu, Venice Beach, and Beverly Hills, but in the same county. People were able to live with a small town feeling and, at the same time, be in the hub of a…

  • Simmering

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    Sara Z
    in

    The fatigue covers me like a warm blanket. It’s a sleepy tiredness. I didn’t wake up until 11 o’clock today, and two hours later I could nap. My husband and I took the dogs for a good, 40-minute walk for the first time in ages. I was hoping for the whole, “A body in motion,…