Category: Uncategorized
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Prognosis
So irritated that my depression is not improving according to my plan and timetable. I’ve been through this a couple times before, so I know the drill. Let’s go!
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Someone Keyed My Car, and I Deserved It
About ten years ago, I drove myself to an early morning needle breast biopsy. When they called me to schedule it, they said I could drive myself, so I did. As I drove my blue Honda Odyssey across town for the outpatient procedure, my nerves fired up, “What if this? What if that?” Given that…
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The Best-Laid Plans…
Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months. It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression.…
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Now What?
Life has taken a new shape for everyone. There’s a hole in many lives that used to be filled with work, friends, sporting events, summer vacations, taking your kids to swim in a pool crowded with splashing, hollering kids, etc. Personally, after leaving my job due to prior lung damage, I thought I’d rest up…
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Married Talk
“I don’t know what you think I’m thinking, but whatever you think I’m thinking, I’m not thinking that.”
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Sufferin’ Succulents!
My succulents, many of them, got kinda funky this summer with tall shoots and flowers. I thought it was pretty cool; figured it was because this is their third summer and they’re maturing. The flowers have dried up, so I googled whether or not to deadhead and, if yes, the best way to go about…
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Travels During the Virus
Without leaving my house, over the past few months, I’ve visited several countries. It’s so interesting to see the landscape, culture, and social norms in other places. I’m interested in the various housing designs and seeing towns and cities I’ve heard about but don’t plan to see in person. There are many series and movies…
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On the Inside
I’m feeling squiggly, which is how I describe the roiling of depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. Not a full-on meltdown, just a constant, gnawing sense that I’m not okay or something out there isn’t right. It insists on receiving my attention, or at least won’t let me focus on anything else in a sustained, meaningful way.…
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Bullseye
I broke up with my high school boyfriend at the end of my senior year, not long after giving him a few of my senior pictures, including an 11 x 14. The next fall, when I found myself dating a guy who lived in the same dorm as me, on the same floor as my…
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What in the World?
With global warming, I could let some people slide back in the day; because it really seemed so distant. One could excuse the older generation when I was young. After all, they hadn’t grown up observing Earth Day. By now, though, with accelerated climate change evidenced by more and bigger hurricanes, a heat wave in…
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Unwell
Here I am again, feeling like shit. Fibromyalgia is like a short circuit in your nervous system. When things line up just right, like a lightbulb coming on when you position the damaged cord just so or your phone charging only after much tilting and toggling the charge cord in the port of your phone,…
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Owning My Bias
Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, very near Idaho, we heard white supremacists and satanic worshippers were living no more than 20 miles from where we were. To my high school friends and I, it felt like an urban legend. Of course, it would have been a rural legend because, if they were actually there,…
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Aaaahh
That’s not really me, but I’d love to be there. I am feeling pretty relaxed for the first time in a long while. Very low pain level today in just a few spots. I’ve been spending a lot of time learning about fibromyalgia. Although it has rolled off the tip of my tongue for years,…
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Mixed Up World of Fibromyalgia
I have a few post fragments in my head but pain has been significant recently and I’m not concentrating well. I mentioned a few posts ago that I have had the diagnosis of fibromyalgia for 11 years but feel like I’m just now truly accepting the big picture of fibro and adjusting my behaviors that…
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A Stunning Dearth of Leadership
In World War I, a German officer gave the following pep talk to Turkish troops standing in a couple feet of snow, “I know you don’t have coats and you don’t have shoes, but our enemy, the Russians, are really scared of you.” In the midst of a devastating pandemic that is under much better…
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Sometimes I just have to shake my head at myself
In a recent post, I lamented that pictures seem to disappear from my posts. I spent hours making sure I only had free pics in my published posts. (I might have found and used unauthorized pics I found online.) I gave it a couple days, and photos were still being replaced by a message about…
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Learning Curve
I have a post in my head but I’m too tired. Great website regarding fibromyalgia- Counting My Spoons. I’ve avoided reading stuff about fibromyalgia for years. Good insights and perspective. Going to address what I can through behavioral changes. Things I want to work on include: Pacing No excuses or apologies Listen to my body…
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Upside
It has been a really good day, relatively speaking, so I’m taking note. Pain has been low level, I had a little energy, got out of the house, and planted the last of my pots. (Pictured above, starting at the top and clockwise: African daisy, licorice, calibrachoa, and decorative oregano with a dracaena spike in…
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Fogged In
The last hour perfectly illustrates fibromyalgia fog, writ large. Baking some leftover cookie dough and then baking banana bread seemed totally doable, even with a cloudy head. As the cookies baked, I was getting out everything I needed for the banana bread. Reading and re-reading the recipe, I slowly got the ingredients on the counter.…
SurvivingSara 