SurvivingSara

Tag: fibromyalgia

  • The Purpose of Life

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Purpose (def): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Purpose creates meaning, offers a sense of direction and helps guide our paths, behavior, and goals. Purpose according to Google: Live and let live. (I think it’s hilarious that one can ask google what the purpose of life is,…

  • A New Way

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My earliest desperate search for a life purpose or meaning, for which I could do great things, repeatedly and resoundingly hit a brick wall. The graffiti on that wall said, “breathe.” It took me a few years to understand that I actually had received my answer. All I needed to do was breathe. No big…

  • Opting In

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Reviewing methods of suicide, each has it’s own difficulty. All who know me well would understand if I chose not to bear the pain for the next decades. It truly is up to me. My new focus is finding purpose for this next chapter in my life. Until I discover what that is, I’ll do…

  • Nowhere to Hide

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Today has been a terrible pain day. I have chronic inflammation of the soft tissues of the ribcage and sternum, which is where you find the nerves. It hurts to breathe. I can’t find the right way to describe the pain along the bottom of the ribs but the first time I had it I…

  • This or That?

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    In any given circumstance, the only thing we can actually control is our perspective. Any person can view a rainy day as gloomy, considering it bad weather, or embrace the chance to curl up and binge watch a new series. Mostly stuck in bed with chronic pain, fatigue, and illness, I’m experiencing great difficulty changing…

  • REALITY

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I can only do what I can do. Sometimes that’s breathing. It doesn’t feel like enough. Hope I’m up for gardening this spring.

  • Downshifting

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    For decades, I’ve been in overdrive. Go, go, go. Career in the early days, babies and books for my husband’s small business, working from home and raising up two boys, and then part-time work. My mom asked me once if I ever relaxed. Admittedly, I have a terrible time unwinding mentally and physically. Here I…

  • FATIGUE

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    It’s 11:04 am. I’ve been up since just before nine, a little more than two hours. One cup of coffee, read headlines, and dealt online with a data breach of a previous employer that may or may not affect me. Although I really want to shower right now, the chronic fatigue that has been a…

  • These Days

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Well, 2021 is certainly a disappointment out of the gate with strange days I never thought we’d be experiencing in the USA. Since March last, the whole world has been suspended in uncertainty, every single person on earth, old enough to comprehend, simultaneously.What energy has been released and where the hell will it take us?…

  • The Last to Know

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    (Revised 2:30 p.m. PST) Turns out ostriches don’t actually bury their heads as some kind of response to an unknown threat. Females dig holes for eggs. Mothers put their heads in the holes regularly to rotate them. This is the image that led to the reference of burying one’s head in the sand. Like an…

  • So Damned Tired

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Fibromyalgia 101 Recently, one of my doctors remarked that, because I have an autoimmune disorder, I’ll need to really look into the COVID vaccine before I get it. My response? “So, you do consider fibromyalgia an autoimmune disorder?” She said, “Yes, it’s an autoimmune disorder.” Over the years, I’ve heard no one knows what causes…

  • Hope This Finds You Well

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    In recent weeks, both of my young adult sons have, separately, encouraged me to begin walking regularly, sure that’s all I need to feel better. I agree with them that walking routinely would be helpful and it is a goal, but it’s not the cure. If I’m having a good day, I can handle stairs…

  • How Long?

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    When every day is painful and difficult, how many years of that do you owe to the people who love you before you choose to be done struggling, knowing full well that the pain and difficulty will then transfer to your family and friends. What is strong? You hear people say sometimes, “Oh, she was…

  • The Best-Laid Plans…

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months. It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression.…

  • Now What?

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Life has taken a new shape for everyone. There’s a hole in many lives that used to be filled with work, friends, sporting events, summer vacations, taking your kids to swim in a pool crowded with splashing, hollering kids, etc. Personally, after leaving my job due to prior lung damage, I thought I’d rest up…

  • Unwell

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Here I am again, feeling like shit. Fibromyalgia is like a short circuit in your nervous system. When things line up just right, like a lightbulb coming on when you position the damaged cord just so or your phone charging only after much tilting and toggling the charge cord in the port of your phone,…

  • Aaaahh

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    That’s not really me, but I’d love to be there. I am feeling pretty relaxed for the first time in a long while. Very low pain level today in just a few spots. I’ve been spending a lot of time learning about fibromyalgia. Although it has rolled off the tip of my tongue for years,…

  • Mixed Up World of Fibromyalgia

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I have a few post fragments in my head but pain has been significant recently and I’m not concentrating well. I mentioned a few posts ago that I have had the diagnosis of fibromyalgia for 11 years but feel like I’m just now truly accepting the big picture of fibro and adjusting my behaviors that…

  • Learning Curve

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I have a post in my head but I’m too tired. Great website regarding fibromyalgia- Counting My Spoons. I’ve avoided reading stuff about fibromyalgia for years. Good insights and perspective. Going to address what I can through behavioral changes. Things I want to work on include: Pacing No excuses or apologies Listen to my body…

  • Irritated and Foggy

    —

    by

    Sara Z
    in

    So fricking pissed. When writing a post, I like to add a picture that ties in. I’ve been using Pixel Free pics but after a couple/few days, the picture is down and replaced with a message regarding a lack of attributes. Now, I’m not tech adept in the best of circumstances, but right now, I’m…