SurvivingSara

Tag: depression

  • Party Time

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    Sara Z
    in

    My husband did a great job at work in 2021, reaching heightened goals, and he is being recognized at a party Friday night, two days from now. The company provides everyone who makes “The President’s Club” a room at a very nice resort not far from where we live. Check-in will be followed by appetizers…

  • Mini Medical School

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    Sara Z
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    On YouTube, I came across a nearly-two=hour video titled “Mini Medical School: Fibromyalgia.” I’ve seen previous fibromyalgia videos but haven’t watched much because, after all, I have fibro and have been to multiple doctors regarding diagnosis and treatment. Over and over, I’ve been told that there is nothing to be done besides taking prescription medicine,…

  • I’m Enough and Nothing At All

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    Sara Z
    in

    My whole life I wanted to be enough, for someone to behold me, smile, and say, “You are just the person I’ve been looking for!” Smart enough, funny enough, good enough… Take it all away. Cognitive abilities have declined. Isolation is the rule. Even speaking is often interrupted by tears. Family and close friends still…

  • Fu@%&ng Fibro

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    Sara Z
    in

    Plans for today, nearly two months after my bone-breaking fall and still not weightbearing since surgery just a month ago, included a shower and going outside. Early in this injury-surgery-recovery process, I truly could not differentiate between anything that might be related to my leg versus fibromyalgia. In the past, I’d wished fibro was visible,…

  • Times Such as These

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    Sara Z
    in

    This is gonna be a short one. Wasn’t going to write at all today but gotta capture the thought while it’s still within my grasp, mentally and physically. which is a concern. For example, yesterday I had two pair or reading glasses but now I have none. Surviving Sara is sometimes about choices I make…

  • I’ll Take a While

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    Sara Z
    in

    Just shy of two hours, I felt only content and grateful, which brought a smile to the edges of my mouth. Mindfulness helped me recognize it and then enjoy. Most often, negative talk in my head creeps through the well-established ruts, dangling “You know this won’t last. Where is that other shoe? Around any corner?…

  • Unexpected

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    Sara Z
    in

    If I blog about not blogging, am I an oxymoron? Doing this post just so I could use that line, not gonna lie. Chronic pain and illness are partially, if not wholly, responsible for the completely blank and arid condition of my brain. I recognize that this time of year is kind of a lull…

  • Surviving Sara’s Ramblings

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    Sara Z
    in

    About those updates I’ve promised previously: Bright Line Eating: Ugh. Don’t ask. I ate mostly french fries and milkshakes following my tooth extraction and I never really got back to my concerted effort to minimize flour and avoid most processed sugars, coffee creamer excepted. The holidays are here, which doesn’t really change a thing in…

  • No More

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    Sara Z
    in

    ***This post contains coarse language and isn’t meant for very young people or those with a delicate sensibility.*** Had a massage appointment yesterday. I’ve been seeing the same massage guy for five years, so we’re pretty confortable with each other by now. In the morning, I told my husband I really wasn’t looking forward to…

  • On Brokenness

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    Sara Z
    in

    Weak, breathing slow and shallow. Certain no one will see me, surprised each time someone reads me here. No longer a good daughter, sister, friend. Letting it all go. It doesn’t matter who I was or what I did. Shedding every bit of that. What’s left? Acceptance. Gotta work on that. When the prettiness turns…

  • Color Me Free

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    Sara Z
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    With 70’s hits playing the soundtrack of my life ages five to 15 and candles lit, I closed my eyes to relax, breathe, and meditate without calling it meditation. It took some time to settle and convince my dog this wasn’t a new game. I allowed memories to trip along and float by as music…

  • The End of the World As We Know It

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    Sara Z
    in

    Don’t shake my hand or give me a hug. A cough or sneeze causes high alert. And just when you might feel as though you’ve got this down and we’re learning to live with the new pathogen, similar to how hospitals and people deal with the flu annually, along comes delta and, later, omicron. They’re…

  • It’s a Chemical Breakdown

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    Sara Z
    in

    Our bodies are mostly made of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. How amazing that these elements combine in numerous and seemingly miraculous combinations. In the brain, researchers believe there are more than 100 neurotransmitters, chemical messengers of information. Eight of them are most common and include adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, histamine and endorphins. Major…

  • I See Dirt

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    Sara Z
    in

    A reliable indicator of mental health improvement for me has always been the ability to see dirt. In the depths of major depression, I couldn’t give a rat’s behind if housekeeping chores get done. Well, imagine what effect that has over the course of two years. My husband does the best he can but he’s…

  • I Love Ya, Tomorrow

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    Sara Z
    in

    Dear Reader; Apply sarcasm or we could go with facetious. Could even be satirical considering some past posts I’ve done. You choose.😉 Personally, I’m going with unintentional satire. Tomorrow, regardless of intensity of pain, how rotten the nausea or heavy the fatigue, I am going to: Do 30 minutes of stretching like I did five…

  • Strategic Existentialism

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’ve been running from myself so long, no wonder I’m exhausted. Two years into disabling illness, one ability hasn’t left me. I run in an unending mental marathon, but I can’t escape my broken mind and body. I’m with me wherever I go. Because my perspective on personal circumstances has proved untrustworthy in the past,…

  • Through the Wringer

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    Sara Z
    in

    What a week it’s been. Whew. Over the last several days, excruciating pain plus symptoms of shaking, temperature dysregulation, sweating, nausea, vomiting, confusion, and uncontrollable tears have wrung me dry. A week ago, following a tooth extraction by an oral surgeon, I was in bad shape; I did have oxycodone prescribed and it helped, a…

  • It’s Just Me

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    Sara Z
    in

    Wow, I’m having a tough time. I first was thinking I shouldn’t write this. Why put this out there? Wah, wah, wah. But then I thought that mood is how I’m feeling, and maybe there’s someone out there who would feel even a little less lonely if I publish a post reflective of my difficulties.…

  • A Message from Above?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Just a newsy update: Following a necessary extraction of an upper molar, my body is in a full fibromyalgia flare. Given the surgeon said the tooth seemed to be seated in concrete, safe to assume the lower and upper jaw was traumatized. Pain and tightness cover my neck, temples, shoulders. In addition, a current fibro…

  • The Long Weigh Down

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    Sara Z
    in

    In early October, at lunch with my mom and sisters, we discussed Bright Line Eating. I’d never heard of it but one of my sisters has had great success with it. (See post ‘Bright Lines’ from October 6, 2021.) This is an update on my weight loss efforts. When I lamented about the rollercoaster effect…