SurvivingSara

Tag: Chronic illness

  • Juice

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    I miss blogging but I’ve been completely uninterested. After my post, “Write Out” on December 18, 2021, I closed what has been my primary source of creativity and competence, and didn’t open it again until today, January 4, 2022. I opened my blog not out of an abundance of words ready to spill nor spurred…

  • Write Out

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    It seems as though we will have a white Christmas in my neck of the woods. My illness and pain are causing a white out in my brain. Tried to begin writing a PAV (Parent is Also a Verb) post but I’m unable and nothing else pops into mind. One of these days.

  • Fibro Sick

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Beyond the pain, fibromyalgia can usher in so many other issues. Today, I am what I call “fibro sick.” Fatigue crashed over me like a big wave yesterday at 10:30 a.m. Nausea and loss of balance are nearly constant. I’m bothered by odd smells; living in a cold winter clime, somewhat closed in for the…

  • Surviving Sara’s Ramblings

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    About those updates I’ve promised previously: Bright Line Eating: Ugh. Don’t ask. I ate mostly french fries and milkshakes following my tooth extraction and I never really got back to my concerted effort to minimize flour and avoid most processed sugars, coffee creamer excepted. The holidays are here, which doesn’t really change a thing in…

  • No More

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    ***This post contains coarse language and isn’t meant for very young people or those with a delicate sensibility.*** Had a massage appointment yesterday. I’ve been seeing the same massage guy for five years, so we’re pretty confortable with each other by now. In the morning, I told my husband I really wasn’t looking forward to…

  • On Brokenness

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Weak, breathing slow and shallow. Certain no one will see me, surprised each time someone reads me here. No longer a good daughter, sister, friend. Letting it all go. It doesn’t matter who I was or what I did. Shedding every bit of that. What’s left? Acceptance. Gotta work on that. When the prettiness turns…

  • Vertigo Vexation

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My old friend, Vertigo, has stopped in for a visit. If you are blessedly unfamiliar, the best way to describe the sensation I experience is to take you back to when you were a child. Playing outside on front yards and sidewalks, a friend would spin you round and round while you scrunched your eyes…

  • I Love Ya, Tomorrow

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Dear Reader; Apply sarcasm or we could go with facetious. Could even be satirical considering some past posts I’ve done. You choose.😉 Personally, I’m going with unintentional satire. Tomorrow, regardless of intensity of pain, how rotten the nausea or heavy the fatigue, I am going to: Do 30 minutes of stretching like I did five…

  • Incapacitated

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My brain is taking a break, apparently. It affects everything. Being unable to come up with a word is foreign to me. I was so sharp and I thought it would be so as I went through my fifties and sixties. Never imagined I’d experience deterioration in my mid 50’s. Fog moves in, curling around…

  • Declaration of Peace

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    The cease fire of the armed conflict with myself outlines mutually agreed upon obligations. Both parties consent to: Disarmament to include insults, both real and imagined, self-doubt, pessimistic outlook, and any other efforts to injure. Revisiting the past will focus only on positive memories. Negative events are deleted and no longer available for review. Breathing…

  • Sparkle

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My latest consideration in search of a new life purpose is spurred by a memory. My family has lived in the same home for 20 years. Living on a cul-de-sac, even a long one, for a couple decades, you get to know your neighbors, especially our little slice of heaven. We’ve had progressive dinners, street…

  • Maybe I Am OK

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    An epiphany just hit me upside the head. Being strong in my pain and limitations does not require I never speak of my circumstances or shed tears, only that my joy for the experiences and enthusiasm of others is not diminished. What a relief.

  • The Purpose of Life

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Purpose (def): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Purpose creates meaning, offers a sense of direction and helps guide our paths, behavior, and goals. Purpose according to Google: Live and let live. (I think it’s hilarious that one can ask google what the purpose of life is,…

  • A New Way

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    My earliest desperate search for a life purpose or meaning, for which I could do great things, repeatedly and resoundingly hit a brick wall. The graffiti on that wall said, “breathe.” It took me a few years to understand that I actually had received my answer. All I needed to do was breathe. No big…

  • Downshifting

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    For decades, I’ve been in overdrive. Go, go, go. Career in the early days, babies and books for my husband’s small business, working from home and raising up two boys, and then part-time work. My mom asked me once if I ever relaxed. Admittedly, I have a terrible time unwinding mentally and physically. Here I…

  • FATIGUE

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    Sara Z
    in

    It’s 11:04 am. I’ve been up since just before nine, a little more than two hours. One cup of coffee, read headlines, and dealt online with a data breach of a previous employer that may or may not affect me. Although I really want to shower right now, the chronic fatigue that has been a…

  • What Now?

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Whether disguised as a substitute teacher, a retail cashier, or a garden department associate, I was actually a weaver. My true purpose in life has been weaving love and compassion into the fabric of life regardless of where I am, what I’m doing, or with whom. Reminding myself of this has served to carry me…

  • The Deep

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    It was the waves that called me and they did not disappoint. How could they? Much to my surprise, it was the heaving of the deep that really spoke to me. The rolling weight pushing the water, high tide or low, was the powerful driver of the waves on top. Between the curling and crashing,…

  • Recalibrating Good

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    “Have a good day!” “How was your day?” “Hi, how are you doing?” “Did you have a good day?” What is good? What’s going on in your life when you’re pretty sure it will be a good day? How might a day unfold that results in you considering it a good day? For me, personally,…

  • The Best-Laid Plans…

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    by

    Sara Z
    in

    Last week, I decided not to make daily plans because I was disappointing myself day after day. The intertwined difficulties of depression and fibromyalgia have brought me to a place I haven’t been to previously, my functioning impaired significantly for several months. It’s now eight months since I collapsed under the weight of suicidal depression.…