SurvivingSara

Category: Uncategorized

  • Good Grief

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    Sara Z
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    If someone who’s loved dies, who qualifies to grieve? Is grief only for devastating, unexpected loss? Or reserved for tragedy that takes a young person too early? If an elderly person dies, do their loved ones have a limit to how long or deep their grief? Dictionary Data from Oxford Languages grief [ɡrēf] grief (noun) So, who…

  • To Be or Not To Be… Disabled On Acceptance

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    Sara Z
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    It’s official. I’m disabled. I’d already actually accepted that I am, and then the Social Security Administration agreed. Following an initial application denial and written appeal by me, a hearing with an administrative law judge who denied my claim in record time, my attorney encouraged me to appeal higher, to a 3-judge panel. That panel…

  • On Loss

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    Sara Z
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    Hello. I’ve been gone for months. It’s been a very difficult time. My elderly mother’s condition declined over the course of a year. She died 3/13/24. I’m not adding anymore info because she wouldn’t want me to put her out there. She was one of the most private people I know. When my dad passed…

  • Oh, The Places I’ll Go in 2024… In My Mind

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    Sara Z
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    Fibro controls so many things in my life, but not everything.

  • So Weird

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m feeling a little paranoid. About two weeks ago, we got a notice to pick up a package at the post office. I figured it was an Amazon parcel because that’s mostly what we get. haha My husband picked it up on his way from work. It was a small rectanglular box addressed to me…

  • The Truth About Fibromyalgia

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    Sara Z
    in

    This is one face of fibro. There are millions more in the United States. Fibromyalgia: Maligned, Misunderstood and (Finally) Treatable Research suggests it’s a disease of the central nervous system  Skepticism around fibromyalgia stemmed in part from an elusive organic explanation. Symptoms appeared to arise out of nowhere, which didn’t make any sense to empirically…

  • Mother

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    Sara Z
    in

    “About driving…I want to talk about that,” my mom said, as I settled myself next to her hospital bed in a position to clip her fingernails. “I can’t drive,” I replied. “Oh, you can too drive, Sara!” “Well, yes, I can physically get into our car and drive it but I’ve given up driving because…

  • Ein Jahr

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    Sara Z
    in

    Well, it’s been a year since my German mother-in-law moved in with us. I wrote a few posts in the summer of ’22 describing my dread. There are many reasons why I thought my home would be rocked by the new roommate, and the tears I shed would’ve filled many steins. Here we are in…

  • Sproing

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    Sara Z
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    Having quit Twitter months ago, I miss having a place to go where I can post my thoughts and reactions that are, most likely, meaningless to others but may strike a chord with one or some. I joined Tribel but it’s not as conversational as X. So, despite not writing much for months, I decided…

  • Good Thinks

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    Sara Z
    in

    The title was meant to be “Good Things,” but the middle finger that moves involuntarily gave me “Good Thinks.” I’ll go with that. I’m looking for good thinks. A meditation I’ve used is sitting beside a stream, allowing leaves to carry away thoughts or concerns. I’ve never been a good meditator, but I wonder if…

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    Sara Z
    in

    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • TRUTH

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    Sara Z
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    Finding myself stewing some truths about which I feel conflicted, knowing my struggle affects the truth none whatsoever. Although I haven’t written regularly as I once did, it seems to me this is definitely the one place I can express my thoughts, feelings and opinions without interruption or immediate confrontation. I do welcome your comments…

  • Lordy, Lordy

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    Sara Z
    in

    Rambling & more Irritability? I got some. Blessings? An abundance. I want to live in the blessings, like sitting in the middle of a field of tulips, enjoying each gorgeous color. That’s not working for me presently. AAAAAAaaaaargh!!! I do have positive things happening in my life and will share them but first I have…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
    in

    Trigger warning: depression, suicidal thinking If you’re reading this, thanks for hanging out. I’m beginning again again. Opagque darkness has been visited upon me this past month, following a family upheaval. The spiral down was quick and steep, maybe because it’s so familiar. This time though, I got closer than I have ever been. On…

  • Parent is Also a Verb 3/14/23

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    Sara Z
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    Parent is a verb – until it’s not. At some point, the light turns red. Stop. Your job is done whether it feels like it or not, whether or not the results meet your expectations. Over the teen years, the parenting light should turn yellow. Our sons and daughters should be gaining independence all their…

  • Who Dat?

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    Sara Z
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    Falling. Falling. Falling. Vertigo, loss of balance, leg weakness, trembling, tripping, collapsing, losing my place in space. Bumping, bruising, knocking, whacking, breaking. This past week, I got out of bed around midnight to use the bathroom. After taking a few steps and feeling unstable, I stood still. Planted both feet flat on the floor. Still,…

  • Good Day to You, Sir

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    Sara Z
    in

    Don’t know what kind of funk I’m in but I think SurvivingSara.net will be quiet for some time. It’s not that I chose a break. It chose me. I really think I’ll be back on here but I have no idea when. I think of you, people who’ve taken the time to read one post…

  • Merry Christmas ’22

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    Sara Z
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    Despite not finding this holiday season very merry, I do wish for others an abundance of love, belonging, comfort and cheer. Whether with family or friends, hopefully you have a warm day, literally and figuratively. I’m unwell, we didn’t decorate because the year of remodeling and mother-in-law moving in have exhausted all of us. We…

  • What Do I Owe?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Tough. Feeling rough. In my head, “I just don’t care. I’m over it, don’t want to do this.” For the record, I’m not thinking about ending my life. I don’t care enough about it to take action. At the end of September last, I was hopeful a medication change would provide some relief, even a…