Journal 1/8/20

Today is my third consecutive day of work. I’m going to walk through this day, but I’m so tired. I thought about skipping applying make-up, but then decided to follow my own advice to myself. I’m near tears but I’m breathing and I think I can do this.

Another symptom of depression/anxiety I get really surprises me. I have eczema on one leg, and it’s like a barometer of my mood. It literally worsens or improves daily based on how I’m feeling. When I first noticed this, I had a hard time believing it, but it has consistently shown itself to be true. The past couple of days, the little patches faded really well and didn’t bother me. This morning, they’re itching like crazy.

A coping mechanism I’ve used when my mood is low has been turning off the news. In the past, I’ve pretty much been a news and politics junkie. When times get tough in my life, I stop watching the news. My husband and I have agreed not to discuss politics. Turns out, world events go on without me.

The last few days, I heard about tensions escalating in the Middle East, so I started listening to news in the morning again. I can usually get a synopsis of what’s transpiring in about 15 minutes and then it repeats itself all day with different reporters or commentators delivering the talking points, no need to listen longer.

When I quit listening to news in October, I found Calm Radio. It’s a digital station with hundreds of channels. I like to listen to the guitar channel or guitar and strings. It’s a great replacement for the talking heads (not the band, I love them!).

I have the next three days off and plan to work on the next couple of chapters. For today, just breathing and taking one step at a time.

Last night I had to remind myself that I’m still healing. Just because I’m back to work doesn’t mean I’m all better.

Later – I made it through work today, did better than I expected. It feels like a real accomplishment.

Published by Sara

I'm middle-aged, mother of two adult sons, and a wife. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and now I work in retail. File that under life takes many twists and turns one cannot predict!

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