Journal Day 5 12/10/19

I’ve decided if I’m going to blog about being depressed and suicidal, I should get comfortable with saying it to people who care about me. I’ve changed my mind. They can read about it on my blog. Oh, wait. One of my goals is to make it easier to talk about suffering from depression and being suicidal. I’ll have to work on that.

If I was diagnosed with cancer, I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I wouldn’t feel like it was my fault. I want people to be able to talk about what they’re struggling through and ask for help.

So, in the hot tub the other day, I thought of some things to follow up on later.

First, I was having a hard time deciding where to start to describe how I ended up writing a suicide note and gathering the necessary supplies. I’ve decided to start with the death of my dad in April of 2019. See Chapter One.

Next, I discussed the idea of my blog with Dr. Liz at our appointment Friday. She’s behind me 100% and gave me permission to refer to her as Dr. Liz.

Lastly, I’m not always in a position to write down what I’m thinking about for my blog, like sitting in a hot tub, but it’s okay. The thoughts will stay in my head and maybe I’ll even be able to recall them when I have pen and paper later, which is not a given.