SurvivingSara

Tag: Love

  • Lone Goose Blues

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    Sara Z
    in

    Canadian geese have been migrating overhead for a few weeks by now. In the past 20 years, I’ve not seen or heard many lone geese. Yes, there’s frequently a straggler in the V formation and I’ve become familiar with the adolescent rebel straying out to the side, as if to say, “Hey, look at me,…

  • After the Ink

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    Sara Z
    in

    Reggie drew up a beautiful tattoo for me, not as uptight as the original little bouquet of wildflowers I considered but not as loose and abstract as Chihuly glass. (He did keep moving his mask up & it kept sliding down. They had good “mask required” signage. Everyone in the shop wore them, including customers.)…

  • Nada

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    Sara Z
    in

    Two pieces of bad news yesterday have got me emptied. If I speak, my voice will crack and tears will fall. Stop thinking. Don’t dwell. No feelings. Tears roll down cheeks if they must. Vague melancholy bests sobbing. Television provides distraction for brief respites, but physical pain permeates. Hollowed out currently. Too painful to think…

  • Misadventures of an Accidental Ministry Leader

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    Sara Z
    in

    Although my husband and I enjoyed our little, liberal, Presbyterian, gray-haired, 100-person congregation, we moved to a large church down the road, located on a private university campus, in order to provide our kids with a children’s program. I had no idea, until then, how much more conservative Presbyterians might be. In the 2000’s, as…

  • Living on the Edge

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    Sara Z
    in

    Twenty years we’ve lived in our home and, though we would like to downsize, we’re reluctant to leave the wildlife corridor our lot borders. When we initially purchased this house, it was located on the outer limits of suburbia, so much so that the neighborhood was just newly able to have pizza delivered and only…

  • Before – Early October

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    Sara Z
    in

    In late October, I’ll be receiving a tattoo on my lower right leg. (I just typed ‘left leg.’ Oops. Better get my story straight.) I made the appointment in August and emailed ideas to the artist. Here is the description with photos for a design. I’ll post “After” to let you know how the experience…

  • Yayoi Kusama

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    Sara Z
    in

    One of her early art pieces was her lying down naked in the middle of a busy city street, New York I think. Couldn’t find a picture of that one. She also worked on paper. After seeing a segment about this fascinating artist on CBS News Sunday Morning, I was thrilled to hear the installation…

  • Maybe I Am OK

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    Sara Z
    in

    An epiphany just hit me upside the head. Being strong in my pain and limitations does not require I never speak of my circumstances or shed tears, only that my joy for the experiences and enthusiasm of others is not diminished. What a relief.

  • The Purpose of Life

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    Sara Z
    in

    Purpose (def): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Purpose creates meaning, offers a sense of direction and helps guide our paths, behavior, and goals. Purpose according to Google: Live and let live. (I think it’s hilarious that one can ask google what the purpose of life is,…

  • A New Way

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    Sara Z
    in

    My earliest desperate search for a life purpose or meaning, for which I could do great things, repeatedly and resoundingly hit a brick wall. The graffiti on that wall said, “breathe.” It took me a few years to understand that I actually had received my answer. All I needed to do was breathe. No big…

  • Opting In

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    Sara Z
    in

    Reviewing methods of suicide, each has it’s own difficulty. All who know me well would understand if I chose not to bear the pain for the next decades. It truly is up to me. My new focus is finding purpose for this next chapter in my life. Until I discover what that is, I’ll do…

  • Invictus

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    Sara Z
    in

    Two years ago today, I lost my dad. In the aftermath of the ICU, medical noise, and decisionmaking, we had a small gathering to honor him. I put together several of the multi photo displays, one each for his childhood, young family and work life, and the rest of his years. Many 8 x 10…

  • What Now?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Whether disguised as a substitute teacher, a retail cashier, or a garden department associate, I was actually a weaver. My true purpose in life has been weaving love and compassion into the fabric of life regardless of where I am, what I’m doing, or with whom. Reminding myself of this has served to carry me…

  • It Took 29 Years to Get Here

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    Sara Z
    in

    On 2/29/92 at 2:29, I married my husband. I was 27 and he was 21, and we’d been dating for three years; I’ll let you do the math. We got married in Las Vegas because my family was in Washington State and his is all in California. We found a beautiful little chapel months ahead…

  • What’s Love Got to do with It?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Love Connection continued…. Not long after filming a short video for the Love Connection TV show, I received a call from them. They’d shown three clips to a guy and he’d chosen me for a date. He phoned me to set up our outing. I don’t remember his name, which tells you how this worked…

  • For Pete’s Sake

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    Sara Z
    in

    His smile and laugh are still with us, and I’ll never forget the last words I heard from my best friend’s fiance, “We love you, Sara” as I left to catch a plane back to California. 25 days later, he was gone. Lying in bed at a friend’s house in California, hanging out with a…

  • Another Day

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    Sara Z
    in

    The last couple of birthdays have been too exciting, not in a good way. I didn’t commit suicide last November, so I’m having another. I’m all for letting my birthdays pass by quietly, but I will celebrate if none of my loved ones end up in the hospital today!

  • March On

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    Sara Z
    in

    We take to the streets Showing up shutting down We cry JUSTICE EQUALITY For EVERYONE now March on in the Bronx, Cleveland, Orlando Kenosha, Louisville Staten Island, Georgia, LA March on to call out racism March on to say ENOUGH March on to say Black Lives Matter Peaceful, loud, pissed off, undone All the noise…

  • The Very Definition of Passive-Aggression

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface:You may want to read the last post, “Until We Meet Again,” before this one. It was a beautiful Saturday in Montana, and we enjoyed a great brunch at the cabin. Drew was very irritated because I’d said breakfast would be at 10. Truth be told, Carol and Catherine were concerned he just might control…

  • Until We Meet Again

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface: To share this true story well requires a level of detail and explanation along the way that will result in a lengthy tale. I’m just going to start and, if it feels appropriate, it may be told in parts, much like the earlier trio of posts recalling how my husband and I exchanged vows…