SurvivingSara

Tag: fibromyalgia

  • Flowers for Sara

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    Sara Z
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    Many blog readers are probably too young to remember “Flowers for Algernon.” It’s a book frequently assigned to English class back in the day. Later, there was a movie. I haven’t read it in years and years but, paraphrasing, a man with a low IQ receives a “miracle” drug that has shown amazing results with…

  • Note to Selves

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    Sara Z
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    To my high school self, class of 1982: You are enough. Even though your next older sister is a gorgeous cheerleader and model and you get so tired of hearing about it but, girl, you are so pretty. Only difference is she went to modeling school and you didn’t. Guys who compare you to her…

  • Don’t Should on Me

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    Sara Z
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    All day, every day, for all my adult life, I’ve been “should-ing” on myself. Whether I realized it or not, the tape was running in the background of my mind constantly. I should: Every day tasks became increasingly difficult as aches, pains, cramps, dizziness, and nausea took up residence. But I should… Even as my…

  • Puerto Vallarta

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    Sara Z
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    What a beautiful view we have from our bedroom at Casa Mis Rocas, the airbnb rented by our friend Larry. The rest of the group had been staying at a resort, Paradise Village, just to the west of downtown Puerto Vallarta, so we were the last to arrive. The others were standing out on the…

  • Desperately Seeking Pain Relief

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    Sara Z
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    I’m not a doctor, but I’ve been playing one in real life, my own, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2009. At the time, I was doing the doctor shuffle each year as my husband’s insurance through work changed carriers. When I finally settled on one, it happened to be one who based her…

  • An Alphabet Whirlwind

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    Sara Z
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    All the letters used to be under control in my head. Growing up, if I saw words, I could usually spell them correctly just like that. When I needed to work it out, looking up to the right would help me put it in context and come up with letters falling into place effortlessly. Truth…

  • My Small Life

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    Sara Z
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    Choosing to live my life graciously seems to escape my grasp. Each time I feel it at my fingertips, when a few days at a time occur where I believe I’ve established stability at a livable level, I’m optimistic that I can “make this life work and like it.” Then, I wake up only one…

  • After Careful Consideration…

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    Sara Z
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    46 years of research, exploration, and experience qualify me as my own best expert in fibromyalgia. Having to educate your primary physician in symptomotology (if they’re willing) is not unusual among fibro patients. Counseling is highly recommended and it’s been invaluable for me. One piece of advice I’ve heard and read about is the importance…

  • Throwing in the Towel

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    Sara Z
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    Despite starting 12 posts in the last few months, I’ve been unable to finish and post any. I’m giving myself permission to write a short missive, so I can complete something. One symptom of fibromyalgia is “brain fog,” during which times concentration, word finding, processing information, etc. take a break. They’re just not there and…

  • To-Do List

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    Sara Z
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    It’s been a very difficult week with terrible fibromyalgia pain in my back, chest, and ribs as well as serious brain fog. I find I don’t have extra. Extra anything. Hopefully this to-do list will help me through some days. I hope this next week presents something pleasing for you.

  • To Be or Not To Be… Disabled On Acceptance

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    Sara Z
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    It’s official. I’m disabled. I’d already actually accepted that I am, and then the Social Security Administration agreed. Following an initial application denial and written appeal by me, a hearing with an administrative law judge who denied my claim in record time, my attorney encouraged me to appeal higher, to a 3-judge panel. That panel…

  • Oh, The Places I’ll Go in 2024… In My Mind

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    Sara Z
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    Fibro controls so many things in my life, but not everything.

  • The Truth About Fibromyalgia

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    Sara Z
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    This is one face of fibro. There are millions more in the United States. Fibromyalgia: Maligned, Misunderstood and (Finally) Treatable Research suggests it’s a disease of the central nervous system  Skepticism around fibromyalgia stemmed in part from an elusive organic explanation. Symptoms appeared to arise out of nowhere, which didn’t make any sense to empirically…

  • Mother

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    Sara Z
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    “About driving…I want to talk about that,” my mom said, as I settled myself next to her hospital bed in a position to clip her fingernails. “I can’t drive,” I replied. “Oh, you can too drive, Sara!” “Well, yes, I can physically get into our car and drive it but I’ve given up driving because…

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    Sara Z
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    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
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    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
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    Trigger warning: depression, suicidal thinking If you’re reading this, thanks for hanging out. I’m beginning again again. Opagque darkness has been visited upon me this past month, following a family upheaval. The spiral down was quick and steep, maybe because it’s so familiar. This time though, I got closer than I have ever been. On…

  • Who Dat?

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    Sara Z
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    Falling. Falling. Falling. Vertigo, loss of balance, leg weakness, trembling, tripping, collapsing, losing my place in space. Bumping, bruising, knocking, whacking, breaking. This past week, I got out of bed around midnight to use the bathroom. After taking a few steps and feeling unstable, I stood still. Planted both feet flat on the floor. Still,…

  • Good Day to You, Sir

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    Sara Z
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    Don’t know what kind of funk I’m in but I think SurvivingSara.net will be quiet for some time. It’s not that I chose a break. It chose me. I really think I’ll be back on here but I have no idea when. I think of you, people who’ve taken the time to read one post…

  • Merry Christmas ’22

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    Sara Z
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    Despite not finding this holiday season very merry, I do wish for others an abundance of love, belonging, comfort and cheer. Whether with family or friends, hopefully you have a warm day, literally and figuratively. I’m unwell, we didn’t decorate because the year of remodeling and mother-in-law moving in have exhausted all of us. We…