SurvivingSara

Tag: coping

  • Strategic Existentialism

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’ve been running from myself so long, no wonder I’m exhausted. Two years into disabling illness, one ability hasn’t left me. I run in an unending mental marathon, but I can’t escape my broken mind and body. I’m with me wherever I go. Because my perspective on personal circumstances has proved untrustworthy in the past,…

  • Through the Wringer

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    Sara Z
    in

    What a week it’s been. Whew. Over the last several days, excruciating pain plus symptoms of shaking, temperature dysregulation, sweating, nausea, vomiting, confusion, and uncontrollable tears have wrung me dry. A week ago, following a tooth extraction by an oral surgeon, I was in bad shape; I did have oxycodone prescribed and it helped, a…

  • It’s Just Me

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    Sara Z
    in

    Wow, I’m having a tough time. I first was thinking I shouldn’t write this. Why put this out there? Wah, wah, wah. But then I thought that mood is how I’m feeling, and maybe there’s someone out there who would feel even a little less lonely if I publish a post reflective of my difficulties.…

  • A Message from Above?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Just a newsy update: Following a necessary extraction of an upper molar, my body is in a full fibromyalgia flare. Given the surgeon said the tooth seemed to be seated in concrete, safe to assume the lower and upper jaw was traumatized. Pain and tightness cover my neck, temples, shoulders. In addition, a current fibro…

  • After the Ink

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    Sara Z
    in

    Reggie drew up a beautiful tattoo for me, not as uptight as the original little bouquet of wildflowers I considered but not as loose and abstract as Chihuly glass. (He did keep moving his mask up & it kept sliding down. They had good “mask required” signage. Everyone in the shop wore them, including customers.)…

  • Countdown: 3 Days

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    Sara Z
    in

    New tattoo being inked on Sunday, October 24th! When the tattoo studio manager called to confirm my upcoming appointment, he asked if I had reference photos. Apparently, the first email they requested back in August didn’t land in the correct inbox. I was, actually, relieved. I’ve given my new tattoo a lot of thought since…

  • We Have a Winner!

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    Sara Z
    in

    Dear Reader, You may want to read the previous post, “A New No,” before this one, but not required in order to enjoy! ~ Sara When friends and family extend invitations, I’m excited about the prospect of a get-together, a barbecue, or birthday drinks. Immediately, I think about what I’ll wear, a major concern following…

  • A New No

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    Sara Z
    in

    20 years ago, my nextdoor neighbor asked me in her ever-chirping voice, “What are you doing Thursday?” Unknowingly, I plunged headlong into the quicksand. “Nothing on Thursday,” imagining she was going to ask if I wanted to go to a movie or something. Even more cheerfully, she responded, “Oh, good! Doug and I have concert…

  • Tinnitus?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Imagine you attend a sporting event, arena concert, or any large indoor event with cheering and clapping. At the conclusion, you walk out to your car and notice the sounds around you are muffled. Inside your head, a loud ringing noise, so annoying!, fades away by the time you get home. Now imagine it never…

  • Bright Lines

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    Sara Z
    in

    Okay, okay, okay. I call do-over. I can do that. That’s one of the rules you agreed to when you followed my blog….just kidding. I am in a mood today. I wrote the post below last Friday, October 1st. I’ve thought a lot about this topic in the past five days. If you are interested,…

  • Before – Early October

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    Sara Z
    in

    In late October, I’ll be receiving a tattoo on my lower right leg. (I just typed ‘left leg.’ Oops. Better get my story straight.) I made the appointment in August and emailed ideas to the artist. Here is the description with photos for a design. I’ll post “After” to let you know how the experience…

  • Shhhhh

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    Sara Z
    in

    Don’t talk about it. Keep your feelings to yourself. Oooh, do I need to treat you with kid gloves? You’re really gonna go there? I did not sound that way. It wasn’t meant like that. Makes you feel bad? Listening to you nitpick everything I say is making me feel bad. That’s how I feel…

  • The Light

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    Sara Z
    in

    No one, besides me, has quit church. Sure, some folks have checked out a different house of worship and moved on; but regular attendees, including actual members of the church and people who study the scriptures, they’re not quitting. If the current pastoral staff and worship programming aren’t meeting a parishioner’s needs, they’d transfer to…

  • Not So Great Expectations

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    Sara Z
    in

    Update on searching for a purpose: I’ve been working to accept that chronic illness and pain are here to stay and affect everything. I am leaving the past behind, so thankful that I was relatively healthy for so many years. It may be putting the horse before the cart, but I’ve made plans to get…

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
    in

    My life has consisted of serial efforts to meet or exceed expectations, obvious or imagined, in a wide variety of roles, both familial and those I’ve adopted. The past 18 months, I’ve been trying to succeed at fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. I’m so tired of clinging ferociously to my climbing rope, aiming for a plateau…

  • Declaration of Peace

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    Sara Z
    in

    The cease fire of the armed conflict with myself outlines mutually agreed upon obligations. Both parties consent to: Disarmament to include insults, both real and imagined, self-doubt, pessimistic outlook, and any other efforts to injure. Revisiting the past will focus only on positive memories. Negative events are deleted and no longer available for review. Breathing…

  • All Things in Moderation

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    Sara Z
    in

    For years, I’d prided myself on being able to satisfy my sweet tooth, primarily a chocolate tooth, with a square or two of a candy bar. One cookie was enough for me to feel indulged. Over time, I began to have a little bit of chocolate and then a little bit more. In the early…

  • Sparkle

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    Sara Z
    in

    My latest consideration in search of a new life purpose is spurred by a memory. My family has lived in the same home for 20 years. Living on a cul-de-sac, even a long one, for a couple decades, you get to know your neighbors, especially our little slice of heaven. We’ve had progressive dinners, street…

  • Maybe I Am OK

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    Sara Z
    in

    An epiphany just hit me upside the head. Being strong in my pain and limitations does not require I never speak of my circumstances or shed tears, only that my joy for the experiences and enthusiasm of others is not diminished. What a relief.

  • Opting In

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    Sara Z
    in

    Reviewing methods of suicide, each has it’s own difficulty. All who know me well would understand if I chose not to bear the pain for the next decades. It truly is up to me. My new focus is finding purpose for this next chapter in my life. Until I discover what that is, I’ll do…