SurvivingSara

Tag: chronic pain

  • Magical Acceptance

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    Sara Z
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    or is it just that I’ve recovered from my trip to Puerto Vallarta? A few days ago, my struggle with acceptance hit a brick wall; I was there. I’ve suffered with fibromyalgia for a few decades now with severely deteriorating health over the past five years, increasingly debilitating and isolating to the point of being…

  • Acceptance is Mine

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    Sara Z
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    It sure doesn’t feel like I thought it would. Acceptance has been an elusive unicorn for years. In a previous post, “To Be or Not To Be…Disabled Acceptance,” exploring what it would mean to accept fibromyalgia. Imagine thinking I had a choice. Perhaps I thought of acceptance as a shiny bauble; I’d find that treasure…

  • Desperately Seeking Pain Relief

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    Sara Z
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    I’m not a doctor, but I’ve been playing one in real life, my own, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2009. At the time, I was doing the doctor shuffle each year as my husband’s insurance through work changed carriers. When I finally settled on one, it happened to be one who based her…

  • My Small Life

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    Sara Z
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    Choosing to live my life graciously seems to escape my grasp. Each time I feel it at my fingertips, when a few days at a time occur where I believe I’ve established stability at a livable level, I’m optimistic that I can “make this life work and like it.” Then, I wake up only one…

  • After Careful Consideration…

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    Sara Z
    in

    46 years of research, exploration, and experience qualify me as my own best expert in fibromyalgia. Having to educate your primary physician in symptomotology (if they’re willing) is not unusual among fibro patients. Counseling is highly recommended and it’s been invaluable for me. One piece of advice I’ve heard and read about is the importance…

  • To Be or Not To Be… Disabled On Acceptance

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    Sara Z
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    It’s official. I’m disabled. I’d already actually accepted that I am, and then the Social Security Administration agreed. Following an initial application denial and written appeal by me, a hearing with an administrative law judge who denied my claim in record time, my attorney encouraged me to appeal higher, to a 3-judge panel. That panel…

  • Oh, The Places I’ll Go in 2024… In My Mind

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    Sara Z
    in

    Fibro controls so many things in my life, but not everything.

  • The Truth About Fibromyalgia

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    Sara Z
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    This is one face of fibro. There are millions more in the United States. Fibromyalgia: Maligned, Misunderstood and (Finally) Treatable Research suggests it’s a disease of the central nervous system  Skepticism around fibromyalgia stemmed in part from an elusive organic explanation. Symptoms appeared to arise out of nowhere, which didn’t make any sense to empirically…

  • Mother

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    Sara Z
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    “About driving…I want to talk about that,” my mom said, as I settled myself next to her hospital bed in a position to clip her fingernails. “I can’t drive,” I replied. “Oh, you can too drive, Sara!” “Well, yes, I can physically get into our car and drive it but I’ve given up driving because…

  • Good Thinks

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    Sara Z
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    The title was meant to be “Good Things,” but the middle finger that moves involuntarily gave me “Good Thinks.” I’ll go with that. I’m looking for good thinks. A meditation I’ve used is sitting beside a stream, allowing leaves to carry away thoughts or concerns. I’ve never been a good meditator, but I wonder if…

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    Sara Z
    in

    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
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    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
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    Trigger warning: depression, suicidal thinking If you’re reading this, thanks for hanging out. I’m beginning again again. Opagque darkness has been visited upon me this past month, following a family upheaval. The spiral down was quick and steep, maybe because it’s so familiar. This time though, I got closer than I have ever been. On…

  • Who Dat?

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    Sara Z
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    Falling. Falling. Falling. Vertigo, loss of balance, leg weakness, trembling, tripping, collapsing, losing my place in space. Bumping, bruising, knocking, whacking, breaking. This past week, I got out of bed around midnight to use the bathroom. After taking a few steps and feeling unstable, I stood still. Planted both feet flat on the floor. Still,…

  • Merry Christmas ’22

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    Sara Z
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    Despite not finding this holiday season very merry, I do wish for others an abundance of love, belonging, comfort and cheer. Whether with family or friends, hopefully you have a warm day, literally and figuratively. I’m unwell, we didn’t decorate because the year of remodeling and mother-in-law moving in have exhausted all of us. We…

  • What Do I Owe?

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    Sara Z
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    Tough. Feeling rough. In my head, “I just don’t care. I’m over it, don’t want to do this.” For the record, I’m not thinking about ending my life. I don’t care enough about it to take action. At the end of September last, I was hopeful a medication change would provide some relief, even a…

  • What’s Up, Doc?

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    Sara Z
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    All right, readers; I’m going to do my best to to write about anything except fibromyalgia, depression, or suicide in the coming weeks. Those that follow along will know I’ve been preoccupied with an unsuccessful medication switch and return to original. Back to where I was at the beginning of September, I’ll appreciate the pain…

  • Whoop, There It Is

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    Sara Z
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    Warning: This post includes discussion of suicide. If you need help, call 988 to speak with a mental health professional right now. This tattoo was a symbol of choosing life when I committed to my first real ink art in November of 2021. Suicidal ideation has been a close companion daily for many years, and…

  • This Is It

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    Sara Z
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    In some cases, the difficult questions do eventually cul-de-sac into answers, whether we like them or not. One of my most challenging quests has been to find relief for my fibromyalgia. Is there anything out there that will address the whole enchilada? The answer has become quite clear. No more wondering or searching. This chronic…

  • ‘We wake up and take the indicated action.’ 

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    Sara Z
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    Christina Applegate has multiple sclerosis. She’s had it for a while. In an article, (link below) she spoke briefly about her experience since being diagnosed. The quote above shares a perspective of one of her M.S. friends. “…It’s been a tough road. But as we all know, the road keeps going. Unless some a**hole blocks…