SurvivingSara

Tag: Chronic illness

  • Note to Selves

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    Sara Z
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    To my high school self, class of 1982: You are enough. Even though your next older sister is a gorgeous cheerleader and model and you get so tired of hearing about it but, girl, you are so pretty. Only difference is she went to modeling school and you didn’t. Guys who compare you to her…

  • Don’t Should on Me

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    Sara Z
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    All day, every day, for all my adult life, I’ve been “should-ing” on myself. Whether I realized it or not, the tape was running in the background of my mind constantly. I should: Every day tasks became increasingly difficult as aches, pains, cramps, dizziness, and nausea took up residence. But I should… Even as my…

  • Magical Acceptance

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    Sara Z
    in ,

    or is it just that I’ve recovered from my trip to Puerto Vallarta? A few days ago, my struggle with acceptance hit a brick wall; I was there. I’ve suffered with fibromyalgia for a few decades now with severely deteriorating health over the past five years, increasingly debilitating and isolating to the point of being…

  • Acceptance is Mine

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    Sara Z
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    It sure doesn’t feel like I thought it would. Acceptance has been an elusive unicorn for years. In a previous post, “To Be or Not To Be…Disabled Acceptance,” exploring what it would mean to accept fibromyalgia. Imagine thinking I had a choice. Perhaps I thought of acceptance as a shiny bauble; I’d find that treasure…

  • Desperately Seeking Pain Relief

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    Sara Z
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    I’m not a doctor, but I’ve been playing one in real life, my own, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2009. At the time, I was doing the doctor shuffle each year as my husband’s insurance through work changed carriers. When I finally settled on one, it happened to be one who based her…

  • My Small Life

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    Sara Z
    in

    Choosing to live my life graciously seems to escape my grasp. Each time I feel it at my fingertips, when a few days at a time occur where I believe I’ve established stability at a livable level, I’m optimistic that I can “make this life work and like it.” Then, I wake up only one…

  • After Careful Consideration…

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    Sara Z
    in

    46 years of research, exploration, and experience qualify me as my own best expert in fibromyalgia. Having to educate your primary physician in symptomotology (if they’re willing) is not unusual among fibro patients. Counseling is highly recommended and it’s been invaluable for me. One piece of advice I’ve heard and read about is the importance…

  • Throwing in the Towel

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    Sara Z
    in

    Despite starting 12 posts in the last few months, I’ve been unable to finish and post any. I’m giving myself permission to write a short missive, so I can complete something. One symptom of fibromyalgia is “brain fog,” during which times concentration, word finding, processing information, etc. take a break. They’re just not there and…

  • Easy as 1-2-3

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    Sara Z
    in

    How many times have people with fibromyalgia or other chronic, invisible illnesses been told that feeling better is just down to a better outlook on themselves and life? Explaining the complexities involved in fibro is perceived as whining, exactly what they’re talking about! So, I’ve decided to test the theory. Can ignoring, dismissing, and love-bombing…

  • To-Do List

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    Sara Z
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    It’s been a very difficult week with terrible fibromyalgia pain in my back, chest, and ribs as well as serious brain fog. I find I don’t have extra. Extra anything. Hopefully this to-do list will help me through some days. I hope this next week presents something pleasing for you.

  • Still Sara

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    Sara Z
    in

    Sara wore this get-up on her family’s early morning flight into LAX, knowing she’d be rocking it for the lunch stop at Venice Beach. Her favorite pants a friend had given her following a trip to Thailand were the perfect pairing for the Harry Perry t-shirt to see the rollerblading, guitar-playing, singer again. If you’ve…

  • To Be or Not To Be… Disabled On Acceptance

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    Sara Z
    in

    It’s official. I’m disabled. I’d already actually accepted that I am, and then the Social Security Administration agreed. Following an initial application denial and written appeal by me, a hearing with an administrative law judge who denied my claim in record time, my attorney encouraged me to appeal higher, to a 3-judge panel. That panel…

  • Oh, The Places I’ll Go in 2024… In My Mind

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    Sara Z
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    Fibro controls so many things in my life, but not everything.

  • The Truth About Fibromyalgia

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    Sara Z
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    This is one face of fibro. There are millions more in the United States. Fibromyalgia: Maligned, Misunderstood and (Finally) Treatable Research suggests it’s a disease of the central nervous system  Skepticism around fibromyalgia stemmed in part from an elusive organic explanation. Symptoms appeared to arise out of nowhere, which didn’t make any sense to empirically…

  • Good Thinks

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    Sara Z
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    The title was meant to be “Good Things,” but the middle finger that moves involuntarily gave me “Good Thinks.” I’ll go with that. I’m looking for good thinks. A meditation I’ve used is sitting beside a stream, allowing leaves to carry away thoughts or concerns. I’ve never been a good meditator, but I wonder if…

  • I Want to Change My Thinking but I Don’t Know How

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    Sara Z
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    Am I bitter? Miserable? Dejected? Stuck? Right now I’m thinking I shouldn’t even write this because who wants to read someone who feels sorry for themself? I don’t want to be these things but I don’t know how to change. No need for memes to tell me how important it is that I face my…

  • In My Days

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    Sara Z
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    I’m alone in my days in sun and shadow longer than 24 it seems one behind another. The fog’s inside making familiar foreign slowing traffic hiding words. Holding tight tripping up falling more lying down. In my days light and dark staying still letting go.

  • Letting Go

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    Sara Z
    in

    Trigger warning: depression, suicidal thinking If you’re reading this, thanks for hanging out. I’m beginning again again. Opagque darkness has been visited upon me this past month, following a family upheaval. The spiral down was quick and steep, maybe because it’s so familiar. This time though, I got closer than I have ever been. On…

  • Who Dat?

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    Sara Z
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    Falling. Falling. Falling. Vertigo, loss of balance, leg weakness, trembling, tripping, collapsing, losing my place in space. Bumping, bruising, knocking, whacking, breaking. This past week, I got out of bed around midnight to use the bathroom. After taking a few steps and feeling unstable, I stood still. Planted both feet flat on the floor. Still,…

  • Good Day to You, Sir

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    Sara Z
    in

    Don’t know what kind of funk I’m in but I think SurvivingSara.net will be quiet for some time. It’s not that I chose a break. It chose me. I really think I’ll be back on here but I have no idea when. I think of you, people who’ve taken the time to read one post…