SurvivingSara

Tag: anxiety

  • Paper Thin

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    Sara Z
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    Shallow breaths are all I need. Feeling hungry is satisfying. If I can take in tiny sips of air and spend most of the daytime feeling the effects of eating a minimal amount of food, I can almost disappear. Just a slip of person, thin as paper. No matter my physical weight, I nearly disappear.…

  • Ramble Gamble

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    Sara Z
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    Rambling posts are a collection of thoughts I have that don’t warrant a post of their own. I also include personal life circumstances, usually near the end. Do you speak your mind? Are there folks with whom you avoid voicing your opinions? Is it a risk to share your thoughts? I find I keep many…

  • I Can’t Care

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    Sara Z
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    Recently, I shared that I have writer’s block. A draft was completed and I posted that, which felt good. Since then, I just can’t care about writing or blogging or connecting. I forget to even open SurvivingSara.net. I’m sick. This is a bad fibro flare. Stress about life events is heavy with no relief for…

  • Pooped

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    Sara Z
    in

    Woke up worn out My get up & go got up and went. Exhausted Fatigue is one of the most difficult fibromyalgia symptoms to deal with for me personally. It affects every fiber of my being when it makes itself at home, whether that’s around lunchtime or even first thing in the morning. Today, I…

  • Party Time

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    Sara Z
    in

    My husband did a great job at work in 2021, reaching heightened goals, and he is being recognized at a party Friday night, two days from now. The company provides everyone who makes “The President’s Club” a room at a very nice resort not far from where we live. Check-in will be followed by appetizers…

  • WALK

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    Sara Z
    in

    After nearly three months off my feet, actually one foot, the surgeon who inserted a rod and a bunch of staples into my left ankle gave me the go-ahead to begin bearing weight on that side! This is very exciting! I’ve banished the knee scooter and, in its place, now there are a cane, a…

  • Stress Be Gone

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    Sara Z
    in

    Apparently, my new mantra, “no need for flight or fight,” is only as powerful as the time and energy I give it. As usual, when I get new information or choose a new strategy to improve my condition, I’m so excited and sure this will be the “thing” that makes a difference. The first day…

  • Mini Medical School

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    Sara Z
    in

    On YouTube, I came across a nearly-two=hour video titled “Mini Medical School: Fibromyalgia.” I’ve seen previous fibromyalgia videos but haven’t watched much because, after all, I have fibro and have been to multiple doctors regarding diagnosis and treatment. Over and over, I’ve been told that there is nothing to be done besides taking prescription medicine,…

  • I’m Enough and Nothing At All

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    Sara Z
    in

    My whole life I wanted to be enough, for someone to behold me, smile, and say, “You are just the person I’ve been looking for!” Smart enough, funny enough, good enough… Take it all away. Cognitive abilities have declined. Isolation is the rule. Even speaking is often interrupted by tears. Family and close friends still…

  • Neurological Condition

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    Sara Z
    in

    Research at the tip of one’s fingers brings a new understanding of fibromyalgia. The interested members of the medical community know what it is, where its origin is in the depth of the brain, and how it attacks the body. I haven’t heard anything new since 2009. As odd as it sounds, I’m so excited…

  • Fu@%&ng Fibro

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    Sara Z
    in

    Plans for today, nearly two months after my bone-breaking fall and still not weightbearing since surgery just a month ago, included a shower and going outside. Early in this injury-surgery-recovery process, I truly could not differentiate between anything that might be related to my leg versus fibromyalgia. In the past, I’d wished fibro was visible,…

  • Not a Molehill

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    Sara Z
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    Eight days from injury to doctor Nine x-rays Two fractures, fibular & tibula, the former requiring surgical repair One boot Two crutches One knee scooter One wheelchair One surgery Ten screws One metal rod Seventeen staples Five weeks injury to completing surgical procedures Six more weeks with no weightbearing on healing leg Years ago, 18…

  • Going Under

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    Sara Z
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    A metal plate along with some screws and pins sounds more like a shopping list at the local hardware store than supplies for surgery, but that combo is what I’ve been told is necessary if I ever “want to have a functional ankle.” My fibula has a complete break which changes into a spiral fracture,…

  • Boot Scootin’ Boogie

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    Sara Z
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    After hobbling around for two weeks, I finally got a boot! I’ve been trying to get one since the x-rays showed a broken fibula four days ago. Orthopedics took new pictures today, which showed a spiral fracture of the fibula and a probable fracture of the tibia. The physician assistant who saw me today said…

  • Broken

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    Sara Z
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    X-rays revealed I have a broken fibula on the left. They couldn’t squeeze me into the orthopedic practice today. I’ve been muddling along so far but I really thought, if a broken bone was identified, my doctor wouldn’t just send me home with no added support. Primary doctor says ortho doc will decide if I…

  • The Nitty Gritty

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    Sara Z
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    Tiny news items: Twenty years I’ve called this house my home. Today, I was puzzled by the mechanism of the front window vertical blinds. It took several minutes to achieve the desired effect. A longer pause than usual spent catching the word that’s just there, on the tip of my tongue, can be explained away,…

  • Unexpected

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    Sara Z
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    If I blog about not blogging, am I an oxymoron? Doing this post just so I could use that line, not gonna lie. Chronic pain and illness are partially, if not wholly, responsible for the completely blank and arid condition of my brain. I recognize that this time of year is kind of a lull…

  • Surviving Sara’s Ramblings

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    Sara Z
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    About those updates I’ve promised previously: Bright Line Eating: Ugh. Don’t ask. I ate mostly french fries and milkshakes following my tooth extraction and I never really got back to my concerted effort to minimize flour and avoid most processed sugars, coffee creamer excepted. The holidays are here, which doesn’t really change a thing in…

  • No More

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    Sara Z
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    ***This post contains coarse language and isn’t meant for very young people or those with a delicate sensibility.*** Had a massage appointment yesterday. I’ve been seeing the same massage guy for five years, so we’re pretty confortable with each other by now. In the morning, I told my husband I really wasn’t looking forward to…

  • On Brokenness

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    Sara Z
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    Weak, breathing slow and shallow. Certain no one will see me, surprised each time someone reads me here. No longer a good daughter, sister, friend. Letting it all go. It doesn’t matter who I was or what I did. Shedding every bit of that. What’s left? Acceptance. Gotta work on that. When the prettiness turns…