SurvivingSara

Category: Uncategorized

  • So Damned Tired

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    Sara Z
    in

    Fibromyalgia 101 Recently, one of my doctors remarked that, because I have an autoimmune disorder, I’ll need to really look into the COVID vaccine before I get it. My response? “So, you do consider fibromyalgia an autoimmune disorder?” She said, “Yes, it’s an autoimmune disorder.” Over the years, I’ve heard no one knows what causes…

  • Rx Drug Soup

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    Sara Z
    in

    A year ago this month, I fell down a scary hole, darker and deeper than I’ve previously experienced over 25 years of hiding or running from depression. I became suicidal, writing my goodbye letter and shopping for the necessary supplies. The antidepressant I took was obviously no longer effective. The psychiatric ARNP whose been helpful…

  • Here we go!

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    Sara Z
    in

    Election day is finally here! Hopefully, tonight we will know the results, but it could take a couple weeks to get all the votes counted. I have been awestruck and inspired by all the early voting. It gives me hope. I voted for the soul of our country.

  • Happy Birthday!

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    Sara Z
    in

    Halloween is the anniversary of my first born’s birth. He arrived two weeks earlier than predicted, but he had been trying to get moving for months. We got through bedrest at beginning and end, insulin dependent gestational diabetes, and he was breech. All these hiccups, and I said to my husband, “The only thing that…

  • Where is this?

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    Sara Z
    in

    Here I am in a new place. The travel itinerary for the last year, 12 months – not calendar, has been one of exploring roadside attractions I had visited previously or those in which I certainly had no interest. Severe, suicidal depression was the first stop. I am so familiar with depression, I was sure…

  • Hope This Finds You Well

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    Sara Z
    in

    In recent weeks, both of my young adult sons have, separately, encouraged me to begin walking regularly, sure that’s all I need to feel better. I agree with them that walking routinely would be helpful and it is a goal, but it’s not the cure. If I’m having a good day, I can handle stairs…

  • Life

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    Sara Z
    in

  • Another Day

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    Sara Z
    in

    The last couple of birthdays have been too exciting, not in a good way. I didn’t commit suicide last November, so I’m having another. I’m all for letting my birthdays pass by quietly, but I will celebrate if none of my loved ones end up in the hospital today!

  • Life in the Days of COVID

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    Sara Z
    in

    The beautiful colors of autumn are beginning to show themselves, oblivious to the pathogen affecting everyone on the planet, whether the inhabitants accept or ignore reality. The confluence of a deadly pandemic, ineffective handling of said contagion, and the state of social unrest here in the USA has resulted in a season of uncertainty and…

  • Human-sized Web

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    Sara Z
    in

    I was trying to think of a witty bon mot for the title, but I couldn’t think of one; so, instead, I used ‘bon mot’ in the first sentence. Feeling like we are all, nationally and locally, caught in a web. It began last winter and has slowly wrapped around us. The first, barely visible…

  • March On

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    Sara Z
    in

    We take to the streets Showing up shutting down We cry JUSTICE EQUALITY For EVERYONE now March on in the Bronx, Cleveland, Orlando Kenosha, Louisville Staten Island, Georgia, LA March on to call out racism March on to say ENOUGH March on to say Black Lives Matter Peaceful, loud, pissed off, undone All the noise…

  • The Fall of 2020

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    Sara Z
    in

    The new decade beginning gave me hope. Mostly what I longed for was an uneventful year. Over the past few years, my husband’s sister passed from ALS at age 50, and my dad went in for outpatient surgery but didn’t make it out of the ICU. In 2019, specifically, someone very close to me suffered…

  • Why Doesn’t Trump WantUsToWearMasks?

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    Sara Z
    in

    What are your expectations of the federal government in a pandemic? Back when we heard the first mentions of a virus coming, who did you imagine would lead us through this historic crisis? Just as I wasn’t able to envision the daily doings of a President Trump or his administration following his election in 2016,…

  • Antisocial Media

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    Sara Z
    in

    Oh, these crazy days. Alone at home the majority of my hours, in those early days I passed much time on Facebook. In the past, my mom has complained about politics on FB and I have relatives who support Trump, so I stayed apolitical for the most part. Thinking my mom was off FB, because…

  • The Very Definition of Passive-Aggression

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface:You may want to read the last post, “Until We Meet Again,” before this one. It was a beautiful Saturday in Montana, and we enjoyed a great brunch at the cabin. Drew was very irritated because I’d said breakfast would be at 10. Truth be told, Carol and Catherine were concerned he just might control…

  • Until We Meet Again

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface: To share this true story well requires a level of detail and explanation along the way that will result in a lengthy tale. I’m just going to start and, if it feels appropriate, it may be told in parts, much like the earlier trio of posts recalling how my husband and I exchanged vows…

  • Facing Off

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    Sara Z
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    Cannot wait for this election to be done, however it turns out. I live in a house divided. Husband comes home, talking about a friend of a friend receiving a letter saying she was positive for coronavirus, even though she’d only done the paperwork but left the clinic without being tested. “That’s being done a…

  • I’ll Take It

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    Sara Z
    in

    Feeling ever so slightly better, in comparison to the last couple weeks, so I want to acknowledge that. Things could flip at any moment, but it’s been a nice four hours, and maybe I’ll get more. I’m switching insurance and, of course, there was a hitch; so I was going to write this as I…

  • How Long?

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    Sara Z
    in

    When every day is painful and difficult, how many years of that do you owe to the people who love you before you choose to be done struggling, knowing full well that the pain and difficulty will then transfer to your family and friends. What is strong? You hear people say sometimes, “Oh, she was…

  • In the Shadows

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    Sara Z
    in

    Eight-and-a-half months ago, I came very close to ending my life. I don’t feel as far from that as I thought I would by this time. Of course, I didn’t foresee a global pandemic upending the lives of people around the world. A report I read earlier today said depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are…