Since the election, I have been purposefully avoiding media coverage of the president-elect and his incoming administration. Headlines pass in my newsfeed regarding all aspects of the subject and I confess it’s like driving by a bad car wreck; I cover my eyes but peek between fingers. Mere glances at my news feed and past in depth knowledge are enough for me to understand moves that are being made. Further reading of articles behind those headlines is saved for topics floating at the edges.
One such subject is #FAFO and a steep rise in the number of divorces initiated since the election. Varied reactions to a social phenomena of, mostly, women leaving their Trump-voting husbands are posted online. These range from, “Are you surprised he voted for Trump? What did you talk about all those years before?” – “It’s the glee expressed by Trump-voters in the wake of his win that shows people who their partner really is,” – “Why are people divorcing over politics?” – “It’s about so much more than politics,” – “He rejected women with his vote, i.e., ‘your body, my choice’” and “This is the last straw, can’t do this anymore.” Predictably, people who voted for Harris or against Trump express, mostly, empathy and understanding towards people ending a relationship with a MAGA partner, though some are scornful; while MAGA folks generally seem dismayed that the person doing the breaking up was ending a relationship over an election.
Here’s one take, mine. Six years older than my husband, he didn’t align with any particular ideology when we met, so I was sure he’d come my way when I explained things to him. {roll eyes now} Teaching in Southern California back in the late 80’s provided a very comfortable surrounding of people with mostly liberal views. We went to a watch party the night Bill Clinton was elected. My now husband spent the evening drinking and eventually crowing, “I’m Ross and you’re the boss!” With Fleetwood Mac in my ears, “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow,” I got him out to the car and drove us home.
True political differences began to show themselves only after we moved to my hometown in the eastern part of Washington State. Long ago, Speaker Tom Foley represented our district for years until George Nethercutt caught some good money support and promised an effort toward term limits in House of Representatives. Nethercutt defeated the Speaker of the House and that seat has been held by Republicans since, but no term limits. In my own home, my dad voted Republican and my mom voted Democrat; we didn’t talk about politics. This was completely normal for me. Politics, religion and money were topics to be avoided in social gatherings.
By the time we relocated from Southern California to Eastern Washington, the greater Spokane area, but even more so on the rural edges, was red and only became a deeper scarlet. My well-established friend group was made up of liberals and a couple conservatives. The rise of Rush Limbaugh and other right-wing radio shock jocks exploded like strawberry jam when a customer drops a jar in the grocery store aisle, red everywhere. People we went to church with, folks at work, and my mother were all in for Republicans. Yes, when the 2008 election came around, my mom announced she would not be voting for Barack Obama. In disbelief, I asked, “How would you have felt in 1960 when you voted for Kennedy if grandma voted for Nixon?” Mom’s answer, “She did.” She got quiet then, maybe remembering that time, but never wavered in her support of John McCain.
My husband wasn’t convinced by my ardor for (eventual winner) Obama either. He, too, voted for McCain. When he told me, we were driving in our dark blue minivan to my parents’ house, sons in the backseat, 11 and 9 years old, but I couldn’t contain myself. I loudly expressed my displeasure and cried. I’m imagining this is some fraction of what center-to-liberal women are experiencing in the wake of this most recent election. Thank goodness my closest girlfriends shared my worldview. Over the eight years of President Obama’s administration, I’m sure I talked politics but my husband stayed, mostly, quiet on the subject. I’d seen my mom and dad’s 60-year marriage survive a political split, so I didn’t consider divorcing over this difference.
Trouble arose during the 2016 election and on with daily coverage of Trump’s first administration. By mid-February 2017, my husband and I couldn’t discuss ANY aspect of Trump’s presidency without shouting. Daily, we were yelling at each other in front of the kids. We had to agree to not discuss politics at all, though I continued to follow the ins and outs of the weird ways Trump governed (if one can call it that) and talk radio accompanied him on his 30-minute commute to work. The rise of MAGA and my husband’s continued support of Trump through President Biden’s administration made it impossible for us to discuss even many some events. Choosing topics I thought we could keep nonpolitical somehow became hot potatoes.
Am I divorcing my husband of 32 years over his vote for and support of president-elect Trump? No. We have 32 years of living, 2 adult sons, my disabling chronic illness and pain, deaths, illnesses, going broke and recovering, and our relationship. We have lived out our vows of better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health, I explained to him that I’m devastated by Trump’s election because I know what’s coming and I couldn’t tolerate hearing any boasting or bragging about his win; he hadn’t and didn’t. We talk about what’s happening in our life in general, our interests, my current health circumstances, his work, our sons, weather, sports, and life events.
If I was currently in my 20’s or 30’s and dating, I’m know I’d be attracted to men who wouldn’t vote for Trump and, I like to think, hope I’d discern political leanings of men I saw in conversations, even if it wasn’t obvious. I wouldn’t get involved with someone who supported Trump, not because of misaligned values. Our current political and social environment, makes it hard for me to imagine being engaged or married and being surprised by my partner’s vote. Gloating over Trump’s win could reveal a deeper truth about a person, surprising a partner.
Core values of love, family, honesty, and loyalty had been confirmed over decades before the election. All three of my immediate family members voted for Trump as well as many relatives and friends. Should I separate myself from all of them and only have contact with my girlfriends? To what end? My husband and I are one after weaving of our lives together completely, all in. I recently turned 60 and the long view shows me that politicians and political ideas come and go. The MAGA/Project 2025 era is scarier than any previous movement I’ve seen on the right. I am worried about the fallout. I find solace in living in a blue state where our newly-elected governor who previously held office as our attorney general and actively worked against MAGA efforts; he has already formed a committee to combat Project 25.
Whatever comes in the future, my love and life with my husband will survive; we just won’t talk about Trump, unless he has a change of mind. Hope lives.
SurvivingSara 
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