To Try or Not To Try

Back to work tomorrow. I’m trying to frame it in a positive manner but it’s a challenge. I’ve been sick in bed for a week and totally surrendering to my desire for comfort foods in the midst of the worldwide viral pandemic in which we find ourselves.

I just had to type that last phrase because I legitimately can.

Typically, by that I mean every work day, I wear jeans. I’m not at all sure they’ll be comfortable any longer. Do I try them on this evening so I’ll have time to come up with Plan B, or do I roll the dice, hoping that by exuding confidence that, of course my jeans will fit fine, it will be so?

My sister made me two, very soft, fabric masks with an opening at the ends, through which a paper mask could be inserted. I was on the fence about covering my face at work, but a coworker friend suggested using whatever we’ve got in our arsenals against COVID 19, and that makes sense to me. My husband’s work is associated with the construction industry, and a colleague brought him two N95 masks back in the early days. I felt bad and suggested we take them to a hospital, but my husband felt strongly that we should hold on to them in the face of a constantly changing situation. I used mine when I went in the respiratory center to be tested for COVID and get chest x-rays. When my husband suggested I could wear mine to work, I was aghast! I explained I would feel terrible walking around in an N95 mask; people would wonder why I had it, hadn’t given it to a medical provider. And then I cried because I was actually saying, “Oh, no! I would never wear an N95 to work!”; three months ago, I couldn’t have constructed a societal context in which we’d be debating what kind of mask to wear.

I never imagined we’d actually experience an international health crisis of this proportion, reaching to every corner of the globe. I knew it was a possibility, but didn’t really believe it would be visited upon us, or if it did, our huge, rich, first world nation would recognize the problem, put a plan into effect immediately to stem the tide, and manage the ensuing medical challenge comprehensively, efficiently, and in an organized fashion.

For the sake of preparedness, I guess I’ll try on my jeans this evening.

p.s. They fit, sorta