SurvivingSara

Tag: Chronic illness

  • Hard of Hearing

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    Sara Z
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    The problem with having slow thinking, trouble expressing yourself, and difficulty focusing is trying to describe your situation and limitations effectively in a disability hearing with an administrative law judge. The hearing started with a medical expert who concluded I had no limittions. None. She referred to notes from my past therapist and more than…

  • Paper Thin

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    Sara Z
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    Shallow breaths are all I need. Feeling hungry is satisfying. If I can take in tiny sips of air and spend most of the daytime feeling the effects of eating a minimal amount of food, I can almost disappear. Just a slip of person, thin as paper. No matter my physical weight, I nearly disappear.…

  • Ramble Gamble

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    Sara Z
    in

    Rambling posts are a collection of thoughts I have that don’t warrant a post of their own. I also include personal life circumstances, usually near the end. Do you speak your mind? Are there folks with whom you avoid voicing your opinions? Is it a risk to share your thoughts? I find I keep many…

  • I Can’t Care

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    Sara Z
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    Recently, I shared that I have writer’s block. A draft was completed and I posted that, which felt good. Since then, I just can’t care about writing or blogging or connecting. I forget to even open SurvivingSara.net. I’m sick. This is a bad fibro flare. Stress about life events is heavy with no relief for…

  • Slow Thinking

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    Sara Z
    in

    I’ve taken to sharing with people that I have cognitive difficulties when I have trouble in the midst of a conversation, usually about scheduling an appointment. A friend and fellow blogger, Ashley https://mentalhealthathome.org, used the phrase ‘slow thinking’ in her writing and I think I like it. This week, I’ve been seriously slow thinking. I’ve…

  • Pooped

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    Sara Z
    in

    Woke up worn out My get up & go got up and went. Exhausted Fatigue is one of the most difficult fibromyalgia symptoms to deal with for me personally. It affects every fiber of my being when it makes itself at home, whether that’s around lunchtime or even first thing in the morning. Today, I…

  • Color Me Pleasant

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    Sara Z
    in

    Having received a brief litany of my current state of fibromyalgia (frustratingly reluctant to improve), my husband grew quiet and then began, “It’s so weird. It seemed like when you had a broken leg…” his voice fading. “What? When I had a broken leg, what?” “I don’t know how to describe it. When it was…

  • Deep in the Lilacs

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    Sara Z
    in

    My hometown is known as the Lilac City. The pretty bushes can be spotted all around the area in purples, pinks, and white. Each year in May, the main event of the Lilac Festival is the nighttime Armed Forces Torchlight parade. It really is beautiful with floats and bands lit up in creative ways. Another…

  • With Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn

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    Sara Z
    in

    I sense change coming. From this side of nearly six decades, a most profound lesson I’ve internalized is that we will always face new challenges. Sometimes the current season feels like trouble that’s here to stay. When you have a two or three-year-old throwing a fit as they work out exactly what they can control…

  • Party Time

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    Sara Z
    in

    My husband did a great job at work in 2021, reaching heightened goals, and he is being recognized at a party Friday night, two days from now. The company provides everyone who makes “The President’s Club” a room at a very nice resort not far from where we live. Check-in will be followed by appetizers…

  • Mini Medical School

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    Sara Z
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    On YouTube, I came across a nearly-two=hour video titled “Mini Medical School: Fibromyalgia.” I’ve seen previous fibromyalgia videos but haven’t watched much because, after all, I have fibro and have been to multiple doctors regarding diagnosis and treatment. Over and over, I’ve been told that there is nothing to be done besides taking prescription medicine,…

  • I’m Enough and Nothing At All

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    Sara Z
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    My whole life I wanted to be enough, for someone to behold me, smile, and say, “You are just the person I’ve been looking for!” Smart enough, funny enough, good enough… Take it all away. Cognitive abilities have declined. Isolation is the rule. Even speaking is often interrupted by tears. Family and close friends still…

  • Neurological Condition

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    Sara Z
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    Research at the tip of one’s fingers brings a new understanding of fibromyalgia. The interested members of the medical community know what it is, where its origin is in the depth of the brain, and how it attacks the body. I haven’t heard anything new since 2009. As odd as it sounds, I’m so excited…

  • Fu@%&ng Fibro

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    Sara Z
    in

    Plans for today, nearly two months after my bone-breaking fall and still not weightbearing since surgery just a month ago, included a shower and going outside. Early in this injury-surgery-recovery process, I truly could not differentiate between anything that might be related to my leg versus fibromyalgia. In the past, I’d wished fibro was visible,…

  • 30 Years

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    Sara Z
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    Traditional Wedding Vows Example: 1 “I, (Name), take you (Bride/Groom), to be my (Husband/ Wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” Well, my husband and…

  • Broken

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    Sara Z
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    X-rays revealed I have a broken fibula on the left. They couldn’t squeeze me into the orthopedic practice today. I’ve been muddling along so far but I really thought, if a broken bone was identified, my doctor wouldn’t just send me home with no added support. Primary doctor says ortho doc will decide if I…

  • No Words

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    Sara Z
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    When time came to confirm my counseling appointment, scheduled for yesterday, instead of choosing “confirm” or “cancel” I left a rambling message for my provider. One bit about having two sprained ankles, explaining I literally didn’t know what to do. You’re supposed to talk to your support when you’re down, yes? I waited a few…

  • Where It’s At

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    Sara Z
    in

    I got two sprained ankles and a microphone. Can’t get that Beck song out of my head. It pops up every time I think or talk about my situation. Relevant pictures will follow the text, but they’re pretty gross, so this is your warning. I have two sprained ankles and two injured knees. The pain…

  • Free Fall

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    Sara Z
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    If it didn’t hurt so bad, one might find humor in the continued plight of this person. Me. Guess I could call this an update but that would be too onerous. Tuesday, still having terrible fatigue with headaches from COVID, I crossed the room to open the slider for our blue heeler, who ended up…

  • Unexpected

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    Sara Z
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    If I blog about not blogging, am I an oxymoron? Doing this post just so I could use that line, not gonna lie. Chronic pain and illness are partially, if not wholly, responsible for the completely blank and arid condition of my brain. I recognize that this time of year is kind of a lull…