So Weird

I’m feeling a little paranoid. About two weeks ago, we got a notice to pick up a package at the post office. I figured it was an Amazon parcel because that’s mostly what we get. haha My husband picked it up on his way from work. It was a small rectanglular box addressed to me but I didn’t recognize the return address. It definitely wasn’t Amazon.

After unwrapping protective packaging and then unboxing something surrounded in layers of tissue paper, in the middle there was a candle and small card. The label of the candle said, “If I had to hide a body you’d be the first person I’d call.” WTF? Weird. I laughed and read the handwritten card. “Happy Birthday, Sara. Hopefully I won’t need you, but you’re the one I’d call.” There was no signature. It had to be one of three people, my close friends with whom I share a particular sense of humor. It looked like a woman’s writing. One of those friends already sent me a cozy package with tea, a mug, fuzzy socks, and an incredibly soft lap blanket; so I was pretty sure it wasn’t her. I figured it had to be my friend since junior high, so I texted her, “You know I’m here for you if you need help with anything – wink, wink. Just got your gift today. Thank you! LMFAO!” Her reply, “Was this text for me?” So, the sender was anonymous. (It smells like clean; that’s the only way I can describe the scent.)

Then today. I was anticipating a package. This one was from a makeup shopping visit on Amazon and I was excited for one particular item new to me. This afternoon, after checking on and off all day, the order status was “delivered.” I checked to see if it was in a parcel locker or had been left on front porch, but it didn’t say. Weird. I walked down the hall to look out the entryway window. I saw a corner of the familiar brown packaging. Down the steps, open the door, and there were two shipping envelopes. One of them was open, as was the box containing vitamins and that was all. No eyeliner, moisturizer, and the eye shadow I was looking forward to trying for the first time. The other package was flat and probably 11 x 14. This couldn’t contain anything I ordered. I checked the mailing address and, sure enough, it had my name and address. Weird.

I took the two parcels up and opened the one that wasn’t. It still causes me to pause. Inside were two placards, identical, with the Edgar Allen Poe quote above. Read it again. I never ordered this, let alone two. I have no memory of even looking at them. No gift note. Who in the hell would send two of this plaque as a gift. It feels malevolent where the candle just seemed like dark humor when I received it. Even if no one had sent me that maudlin message, the Edgar Allen Poe signs would still have struck a different nerve. Is one person “gifting” me both items or have two different people decided I need to be weirded out? What is the point? What’s the goal of the sender(s)? How do I feel about all of this? (Not to mention the accompanying envelope had been opened neatly across the top and my fun stuff was missing. Total coincidence? A step too far?)

Melancholia continues to ribbon through my days. Suicidal thinking took a short break recently but it’s returned. I’m still struggling to accept myself and to not feel guilty that I’m ill, though I know some are disappointed in me. Now, these anonymous generosities of a strange persuasion arrive. So weird.