Journal 1/5/20

I got my blog up and running over the past two days. I’m energized by the process, which is something I can really use right now.

I saw Dr. Liz on Friday. I told her I felt like I was getting worse instead of better. She said that’s not uncommon but she’s confident I will get better. I shared with her an experience I had recently where I’d been upset with someone but hadn’t said anything, chalking it up to that’s just how that person is. Dr. Liz said those feelings I stuffed didn’t just evaporate but, instead, festered. She thinks that’s why I felt a downturn. Part of my homework was to calmly an respectfully communicate to that person why I’d gotten upset and how I’d like us to handle frustration or conflict moving forward. That won’t be possible in every situation, either out of my control or too much to lose by, for example, telling someone in authority that their actions or words are unacceptable to me. In those cases, she said it’s appropriate to distract myself. Working on my blog helped my mood improve by displacing those uncomfortable emotions. Painting is a good outlet for me, as is gardening during the right season.

I did meet with the person who had upset me. I told him I had homework to do as part of my therapy. He was willing to hear me out, didn’t get nearly as defensive as I thought he might, and we ended with a hug. We agreed we’ll work on handling problems more respectfully in the future. Success!

On the heels of writing the above, an incident occurred involving one of my sons. My initial reaction was one of panic, feeling like I needed to fix the situation. It felt big to me. My husband helped me put it in perspective and reminded me it wasn’t about me at all. I calmed down. It really wasn’t the end of the world.

Writing and publishing this blog stirs up lots of emotions for me, so I need to take my time and breathe. Enough for today. I did publish my second installment on the Chapters of My Life.

Published by Sara Z

Writing is one of my passions. Most blog entries are relatively short articles regarding a wide variety of topics. I'm a middle-aged wife and mother of two adult sons. I've been a teacher, counselor, medical transcriptionist, student teacher supervisor, substitute teacher and retail clerk. Staying home now due to fibromyalgia. Seeking purpose.

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