SurvivingSara

Tag: family

  • I See Dirt

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    Sara Z
    in

    A reliable indicator of mental health improvement for me has always been the ability to see dirt. In the depths of major depression, I couldn’t give a rat’s behind if housekeeping chores get done. Well, imagine what effect that has over the course of two years. My husband does the best he can but he’s…

  • Parent is Also a Verb November 21, 2021

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    Sara Z
    in

    The most important thing to keep in mind when parenting is making sure the message of love gets through. No matter the age or issue, whatever the looming consequences or agonizing disappointment involved, you are the adult. It’s important to guide your child, more closely for kids in their preteens and younger, but let them…

  • Parent is Also a Verb 11/17/21

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    Sara Z
    in

    In life B.C. (before children) I was trained in two parenting curricula in my capacities as a public health educator and, later, as the program director at a crisis nursery. So, in my late 20’s/early 30’s, I found myself teaching parenting classes to a high risk population, some court ordered. Having zero real life experience…

  • Les Vents de l’Amour

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    Sara Z
    in

    I see your love, like I see the wind. Just as the wind floats a leaf on a gust or sails a flag, I see your love as I read your sweet messages or catch you smiling at me when I didn’t know you were watching. I sense the aroma and flavor of your love,…

  • Lone Goose Blues

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    Sara Z
    in

    Canadian geese have been migrating overhead for a few weeks by now. In the past 20 years, I’ve not seen or heard many lone geese. Yes, there’s frequently a straggler in the V formation and I’ve become familiar with the adolescent rebel straying out to the side, as if to say, “Hey, look at me,…

  • Nada

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    Sara Z
    in

    Two pieces of bad news yesterday have got me emptied. If I speak, my voice will crack and tears will fall. Stop thinking. Don’t dwell. No feelings. Tears roll down cheeks if they must. Vague melancholy bests sobbing. Television provides distraction for brief respites, but physical pain permeates. Hollowed out currently. Too painful to think…

  • A New No

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    Sara Z
    in

    20 years ago, my nextdoor neighbor asked me in her ever-chirping voice, “What are you doing Thursday?” Unknowingly, I plunged headlong into the quicksand. “Nothing on Thursday,” imagining she was going to ask if I wanted to go to a movie or something. Even more cheerfully, she responded, “Oh, good! Doug and I have concert…

  • Misadventures of an Accidental Ministry Leader

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    Sara Z
    in

    Although my husband and I enjoyed our little, liberal, Presbyterian, gray-haired, 100-person congregation, we moved to a large church down the road, located on a private university campus, in order to provide our kids with a children’s program. I had no idea, until then, how much more conservative Presbyterians might be. In the 2000’s, as…

  • Living on the Edge

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    Sara Z
    in

    Twenty years we’ve lived in our home and, though we would like to downsize, we’re reluctant to leave the wildlife corridor our lot borders. When we initially purchased this house, it was located on the outer limits of suburbia, so much so that the neighborhood was just newly able to have pizza delivered and only…

  • Exceeding Expectations

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    Sara Z
    in

    My brilliant son was in his senior year of high school, excited for his next adventure – attending college out of town. Since he was a freshman, I’d been talking to both our sons about the need to engage in extracurricular activities and volunteering for solid college and scholarship applications. Occasionally, I’d see and mention…

  • Invictus

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    Sara Z
    in

    Two years ago today, I lost my dad. In the aftermath of the ICU, medical noise, and decisionmaking, we had a small gathering to honor him. I put together several of the multi photo displays, one each for his childhood, young family and work life, and the rest of his years. Many 8 x 10…

  • One Year Later – Hope

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    Sara Z
    in

    I just passed the one year mark of the day I wrote a suicide note and purchased the supplies necessary to carry out my plan the next day, the Monday before Thanksgiving. I thought about it briefly, seated at our holiday table a few days ago, with my husband and two grown sons, but made…

  • Thankful Tonight

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    Sara Z
    in

    There were empty seats at the table across America today, for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, there will be a lot more people missing Christmas and New Year’s in the next couple of months. This is a certainty. Images of people filling airline lobbies and check-in lines, cars snaking through the freeways. Our frontline medical…

  • What Is My Thing?

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    Sara Z
    in

    You know how after a tragedy, people say no one knows what they’d do unless they were there. Well, here we are, nine months into a pandemic with millions getting ill and dying around the world. With the worst up ahead, we are in that moment. So, I started thinking about how I’m handling this…

  • Happy Birthday!

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    Sara Z
    in

    Halloween is the anniversary of my first born’s birth. He arrived two weeks earlier than predicted, but he had been trying to get moving for months. We got through bedrest at beginning and end, insulin dependent gestational diabetes, and he was breech. All these hiccups, and I said to my husband, “The only thing that…

  • Hope This Finds You Well

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    Sara Z
    in

    In recent weeks, both of my young adult sons have, separately, encouraged me to begin walking regularly, sure that’s all I need to feel better. I agree with them that walking routinely would be helpful and it is a goal, but it’s not the cure. If I’m having a good day, I can handle stairs…

  • Another Day

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    Sara Z
    in

    The last couple of birthdays have been too exciting, not in a good way. I didn’t commit suicide last November, so I’m having another. I’m all for letting my birthdays pass by quietly, but I will celebrate if none of my loved ones end up in the hospital today!

  • Antisocial Media

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    Sara Z
    in

    Oh, these crazy days. Alone at home the majority of my hours, in those early days I passed much time on Facebook. In the past, my mom has complained about politics on FB and I have relatives who support Trump, so I stayed apolitical for the most part. Thinking my mom was off FB, because…

  • The Very Definition of Passive-Aggression

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface:You may want to read the last post, “Until We Meet Again,” before this one. It was a beautiful Saturday in Montana, and we enjoyed a great brunch at the cabin. Drew was very irritated because I’d said breakfast would be at 10. Truth be told, Carol and Catherine were concerned he just might control…

  • Until We Meet Again

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    Sara Z
    in

    Preface: To share this true story well requires a level of detail and explanation along the way that will result in a lengthy tale. I’m just going to start and, if it feels appropriate, it may be told in parts, much like the earlier trio of posts recalling how my husband and I exchanged vows…