Tariff-and-Takeover Trump

I’m not a comedian but you may find me funny. Funny haha or funny weird? You decide. Stay with me. Back in 2015, when the orange man was first campaigning, everyone thought he just threw out weird shit that he, in no way, would actually do. I didn’t vote for him then, or ever, but even I was certain he just tossed out headline-grabbing nonsense to stay front and center in the media.

Once he was elected, crazy!, he started advocating for those bizarro ideas. Luckily, he didn’t know how to grease the gears in D.C in order to achieve much and was surrounded by many competent people who managed to keep Trump driving between the lines, though they’ve reported to have been appalled by many things expressed by the golfing carrot in the Oval Office.

When next Trump campaigned, we all knew he was a liar, most of us anyway. We escaped that first term with our democracy strong and a return to boring government function. We got immediate, effective assistance with COVID, at a time when refrigerator trucks were doing time as portable morgues, followed by the Inflation Reduction Act, which proved effective as the rate recovered following a spike in everything with the onset of the pandemic. I have no faith the orange cowboy (that’s one of those crypto fantasy cards isn’t it?) could’ve wrangled the monstrous beast that was the combination of our economy and healthcare amid the pandemic crisis. Perhaps put a tariff on vaccines to spur on our own labs?

The electorate has a short memory. Somehow, they put Trump back in the Oval Office from where he is wielding power with no worries about our Constitution or being reelected. He’s on the Worldwide Revenge Tour he’s been imagining over and over and over for the past four years.

Here’s the bit where you may laugh; I didn’t think tariffs would be imposed as threatened or that he would pursue his toddler-like desire for taking over Greenland, Canada, and Panama. For f*ck’s sake. I, once again, thought his ridiculous ideas would fizzle. Make Canada our 51st state? Take over control of Greenland one way or the other? Grab back the Panama Canal as easily as drinking the bottle of wine you’ve given to a host. I did it again!

It seems Trump’s thirst for greatness includes, in his mind, naming himself ‘king,’ officially insulting our allies while blowing kisses to Putin, and appointing the vice president he wishes he’d chosen. Oh, right. immigrants aren’t qualified to sit as VP. This one’s a white Afrikaner who is on b-b-billion dollar contracts with our country and Russia. I did not see that coming. I knew Elon invested more than 200 million dollars in the election of the tangerine, but I imagined he’d exert his influence behind the scenes. That wouldn’t serve these showmen and that’s the #1 priority for both members of that couple. Frankly, I’m surprised their love affair has lasted this long. Watching Trump relegated to Musk’s sidekick in the Oval Office, I wondered if this would be the moment demarcating the destruction of the Trump/Musk meld.

No, The Elon Show continues uninterrupted by even Tesla tanking and with Trump’s support. Besides the election, what must Musk have really purchased with all those millions that resulted in the slightest of dents to his bank totals?

Is there really a purpose to spending time on the annexing of Canada, ownership of Panama Canal, or wresting Greenland away from Denmark? Look, over there! Squirrel!